Page 68 (1/2)

Noalk through the Hesters’ side yard toward the house, carryingon the porch and don’t say a word, not that the doctor ever says ently leading oes on "She heard about the boy’s death froot the shortwave radio call and had to notify the mortuaryPatience wants you upstairs Can you take her some tea?"

This seems like an odd request, but ever the nurse, I carry the tray up to her roo forthe side of the bed I haven’t the strength to argue "Did you eat?"

"I’ryOh, Patience He shouldn’t have died," I let loose the tears "I went to lunch, so sure I’d done a good job and that he was going to be okay I set his ar The physician at the other camp said his death was inevitable, that I wasn’t to blame, but it shouldn’t have happened He was just a kid, really"

Patience pours hot water in a cup, but forgets the tea ball, and instead takes a cloth, dips it in the ater, and wipes my face Tenderly, she wipes my hands and neck She pulls upwhite flannel nightgown over my head, like I’m a child, and pulls me down on her bed

"You can sleep here"

"I’ll be better downstairs"

"No, you won’t You’ll sleep with reat loss Once I had a woman die in labor; she seized too Eclaht He washed the death off ether in her bed, both in our flannel gowns, Daniel politely taking the sofa

In the night I drea fro toward my face, but Patience catches us

February 27, 1935

I a man, Linus, has hit her hard and she’s withdrawn and not herself If a pan drops or little Dannydisaster At meals her hands shake

I have lost patients; every physician has If you work in the h, you will lose a patient whether you are a physician, nurse, midwife, or vet, but you can’t blame yourself

Easy to say and I say this now, but I blamedis, I never should have operated on him As soon as I heard his name, I should have thron eon The trouble was, he was in shock, and if I hadn’t tried, he would have died anyway That’s what I tell myself now, but I doubted it then