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I didn’t answer The silence lasted for a few more miles--which took almost a half hour in this damn traffic Finally Jordan cleared his throat "So you said you don’t trust her This must mean you blame her for it…and if that’s--"

"I don’t blaeneral I don’t trust that she’s not going to shred h to--"

He laughed--laughed--atto say"

I clenchedwheel and ran s I’d just said "Adaet huwt Pooiddle Adam"

"Do you need me to let you out here? I think you can thuround out

"I don’t mean to be a dick but--"

"Too late--"

"You need to sac up, dude Whenever you put yourself in a serious relationship, you run the risk of getting hurt It’s hoorks"

"But usually you trust the other person not to do it"

He shrugged "Yeah And what makes you think she will? Because of last time? You mean when she was scared out of herup with her boyfriend? You really think that’s a ti to act underlike a dick myself

"Here’s the deal…and you can consider the source and shitcan this advice if you want, but here’s Uncle Jordan’s take on things It doesn’t matter who the person is, when youin a relationship, you are always going to open yourself up to be shredded It’s the nature of the beast"

I turned and looked at hilasses The traffic was starting to loosen up and we’d ht in sight

"She hurt you before I get it You hurt her too, right?"

I nodded

"I’ to put this in terms that are familiar to me You need to look at this like a cost versus value decision Is the risk you take of getting hurt worth the benefit of what you get fro her in your life? If yes, then stay with her, be with her and try to uess that’s what I have to figure out"

"Yeah But for what it’s worth I thought you tere good together, for all that it irritated me"

The rest of our trip devolved into bouts of silence or small talk and I was relieved Jordan’s words were abrasive but not unwelco that sometimes I needed to be called onet over the bouts of loneliness--especially on the weekends--I went over to my uncle’s house for Sunday dinner They all knew about E up in Anza with Kim, of course, so no one asked after her--not even Britt’s kids, so I had to give props to theirthem before hand on that

After dinner, we sat on the couch, one boy on either side of ht it was hilarious to play tea up on me After ave up

I put a hand on each of their heads as they tried to wrestle a unsuccessfully to shove his fingers up iven the state I was in lately, as I sat back and watched theame of checkers, I let ht have been an expectant father in other circuiven myself the chance to even consider that possibility The situation had been so dire My every thought and goal had been toward Emilia’s survival And when she’d been around, I’d never let o there, even after we knew she was healthy Was it fair, now, to regret what I ave thenore that little pinch that reminded me of my own loss And that date--that date that E: August 18 The due date

I hung around after Britt and the kids left Liam had already taken off and I think Peter could tell that I wanted to talk because he went to the fridge without saying a word, pulled out two beers, opened them and sat next to me on a stool at the kitchen counter We sipped in aard silence for the first few minutes before I cleared my throat