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When I spoke nant again"

He abruptly stood up from the bed and went into his closet When he came out, he was dressed in pajama pants and a T-shirt I hadn’t moved And e looked at each other, I knew that I had hit the nail right on the head He didn’t deny it

My breath rushed out of s and I wasn’t certain I’d be able to draw another

Chapter Thirty-Six

Adam

I watched as her face clouded, like a stor overland Her eyes filled with tears and she blinked But I had no words And even if I had the terrified to touch her The thought that I ain not only petrified me, it made me nauseous

Finally I looked away I couldn’t watch as her heart broke--and know that I was the cause, however unconsciously

The silence in that roo that buzzed in my ears I looked back at her Her eyes were damp, focused somewhere in the middle distance between us I clenched ht now to comfort her And part of me didn’t even want to This was the harsh reality of what she had tried to avoid earlier--when she’d insisted over and over again that she was fine, that she was tough, that she could get over this by herself

It was best this came out now But I honestly had no idea hoe could possibly resolve it

Suddenly she stiffened, as if she was tired of waiting for o sleep in o and I didn’t move a muscle

The hthat had just happened, every thought that went throughhad snapped forto initiate sex without even a thought about the lack of birth control

Things slipped her s she’d just done over again without realizing it It was a side effect of the drugs she’d been on I could have just as easily attributed that to this--her al about a condoerous It could have killed her

I could have killed her Or brought her cancer back Just by having sex with her Just by getting her pregnant again

I buriedme Then, I heard her walk down the hallway toward the stairs I could let her go, or we could talk this out I could convince her that she needed to talk to soodda to bury me and I could see no way out except to suffocate under it

I th of the stairway behind her, calhtshirt into sohtly, she seemed aware that I was behind her but did not speed up to avoidit ajar for e, I saw her sit down in the sand and hug her knees to her, burying her face against theot closer, I could hear her quiet, weak sobs Each one sliced right through o, I’d kissed her so tenderly, where she’d questioned our future I had silenced her then, so intent on one thing and one thing only--her survival

Perhaps that moment had cost us our survival as a couple I sed,thick I had no idea what I could say to her So I let her cry until she calmed down I slowly sank to the sand a short distance fro but her sobs, she quieted, rubbing her cheeks against her pant legs Wearily she lifted her head and with a sniff and a hiccup, she spoke in a quiet voice "I should go," she said "I should let you get on with your life"

That tightness into think that maybe that was the only solution to this

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Mia

I waited in the weighted tension between us for him to respond And as each second stretched on, it becao That this was the only solution for us And that scared mesince that afternoon--since Alex’s pronouncement that Adam and I would only have one child and one child only Because I knew--and he knew--that we’d already endured that secret, shameful loss All I could feel was this void, likeI breathed again, those painful, shallow breaths I should let you get on with your life…