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Mom finally stepped back from Heath and scooted over on the couch toher face with the back of her hands Heath leaned forward, grabbed some tissues and handed the at hiry with you at Christmas This must have been impossible for you"

Heath put a hand on Moht start crying, too I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes as if to daoing to do?" Mom asked

I was too chicken to uncover my eyes After minutes of silence, I muttered, "I knohat I want to do" I took a deep breath and then droppedup I looked at Adam He was as still as a statue, as impassive and unreadable as he’d been in the doctor’s office today "But it rabbed ht "Mia, you need the chemo"

I let out a shaky breath and shook hter was choosing to forgo therapy From the corner of my eye, I could see Adam stand up and put his back to the roo out theI studied his tense shoulders

"Mom, what if you’d chosen not to have me? I can’t do this…"

Mom’s jaw dropped "My circu for ht never be able to have a baby, after the che up your life for? A full life? You’re twenty-two years old--a baby yourself!"

I openedon for dear life "You have everything ahead of you--you’re going to go toto save lives But right now you have one life that is the ht to catch a breath My chest felt like it was coht No one--not one--could see rowing inside me A child who deserved a chance to live

Then another voice spoke up--another whisper inside my brain--didn’t I deserve the best chance to live, too?

Before the diagnosis, before that call from the doctor’s office, I’d been on top of the world I aiting for responses back from medical schools--had been accepted toman who loved ain It had been as much a part of my daily life for the past few months as the endless blood tests and harsh medications I’d been forced to put in my body And what loomed ahead orse still

"Is it really so bad that I believe in ht to live?" I said in a tiny voice

Mom looked at me, frozen Then, she touchedyou to reht to live--to finish her life Don’t sacrificeof you"

I suddenly felt so exhausted that I would collapse froht of everyone’s eyes onfor some pronounce theht now Please Can you understand?"

My mom looked at me, her eyes so sad that it brokeBut she nodded

"Okay," she said "You’ve still got a little tiain, okay? That’s all I ask All I beg Let us love you"

Let us love you Was that what I had been doing? Pushing thes? I turned and looked at Adaain with veiled dark eyes We held each other’s gaze across the rooht I could hardly breathe I didn’t want to think about this Didn’t want to do this I wanted to lie back and wait for things to happen to me I had no desire to ponder these difficult choices My life was starting to feel like an epic failure with s up, start again, if I even had the will left to do it

I declared myself exhausted and in need of sleep I hadn’t slept very well in al explosive confrontation with Adam The day he’d found out about the cancer All of it