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With a jolt of fury, I stood up fro to mull any of this over in silence and watch his weird way of brooding I went to the bathroolanced up fro I pretended not to notice

I waded into the pool, which really was too short for laps, but I couldn’t think of any other way to work out this restless energy short of leaving the roonal That I resented or regretted what had happened between us And I didn’t But I did resent his current behavior If he wanted to ignore

I pondered all of this, as I continued --four strokes, turn, catch breath, four strokes turn Lather, rinse, repeat It was starting toI’d been at it when I felt a strong hand wrap aroundHe was standing besideyou and you wouldn’t stop How long do you plan to keep at this?"

I shrugged "I don’t kno long to you plan to blowyou off? Why do you think that?"

I wiped the water out of my face "Maybe because you wired in the first chance you could get and you’re eating dinner over your keyboard You ht do that all the time when you’re alone, but in co and I have no idea what is going through your head"

He looked away but not before I noticed irritation on his face

I continued "Please don’t tell me you treated your other fuck buddies that way"

"You’re not a fuck buddy"

I pulled e of the infinity pool, looking out over the dark bay The distant crash of the ocean and shed "I’ you off"

My face flushed hot with anger "Not an apology Don’t bother wasting your breath with that bullshit Do you have any idea how it nore me like that after we--after what happened between us? Like yesterday’s forgotten trash"

He cae, careful not to touchout over the bay "I’noring you on purpose It’s so"

I took a deep breath, the tight anger only easing a tiny increment I looked at him then He’d shucked his shirt and pants and it looked like he’d jumped into the water in his underwear "Then talk toabout"

He paused "I was thinking about how I never intended for it to go this far"

A band tightened around retful Guilty that it happened"

"No," he said, turning to uilty that I enjoyed it so ain"

A new tension thickened between us I struggled for breath, because I felt the exact same way "But you won’t?"

He looked out over the bay "It was never supposed to go this far," he repeated

Though I hated how he dealt with his inner conflict by shutting me out, I found that inner conflict utterly a reflection of his goodness He wasn’t usingard that he was denying his own How could I be angry with that?

"But it did And there’s nothing to regret in that There was no ‘deal’ There were no principles violated The ive a shit about thelike you did so from me or somehow despoiled me You knohat? It’s our culture that leads men to think like that…that purity in a worimaced "You sound like your Manifesto, now"

I shook my head "I didn’t just write those words for the hell of it I believed them My purity orth no more than yours or anyone else’s I just happened to be a lot older than most when I finally--"