Page 19 (1/1)
He flinched slightly at h me
No Fuck that ache He deserves this
"I deserved that," he said
"Finally, soree on" I rolled my eyes and sat back in my chair, my arms still crossed
"This isn’t easy for ht about what I would say to you if given the chance Now here you are, sitting right in front ofI say will justify the decision Ito justify it I just want you to knohere I’ive a rat’s ass where he was co fro to back down until I let him explain himself In that et whatever it was out Then I would let hi back then, but you had no idea how o to work and put in just h overtiet out of there and go drink"
Reht our ritted my teeth but let him continue
"I didn’t even need anyone to drink with et a case of beer and just sit in my car by o to work, and after I put the girls to bed, I’d drink until I passed out It got to the point where I would have to have a beer in the h the day without the shakes"
I sat there, staring at him in shock I knew he drank--there had been beer cans here and there around the house--but I had no idea it had been that bad
"I was sick Then one day, I got pulled over and was arrested for a DWI I should’ve been put in jail immediately, but if you remember, my moic and got es dropped on a technicality A month later, I hit a car and the couple inside was seriously injured Another DWI, another arrest, rossed in what he was telling me I’d had no idea about his arrests
Who had bailed him out? How had he been able to keep that froood for you and the girls Whatever happened to you three, you would be better off withoutbecause I was such a fuckup, being the devoted girlfriend that you were, you would have fought for us Most likely, you would have won Walking away fro I’ve ever done"
My heart hurt Knowing that he was in all that pain and had all those probleht I was at work one , but my mom took me to meet with the lawyer she worked for, who proceeded to tell me I was in deep shit Later that afternoon, Christina came over to babysit and I made a split-second decision I threw ood-bye in their sleep, and that was it I sobbed as I kissed theht, I drove past the house at least a dozen tiive me I pulled in the driveway once I remember it clearly" He stared at the table, lost in hisyour scrubs You pulled the curtain back to see who it was, but you were blinded by the headlights I started to pull out of the driveway and you walked away, assu around"
Oh God I remember that It was so dark I prayed it was him, but the car pulled out and I lost all hope
He sniffed and wiped at the corner of his eye, still noteye contact with me "Anyway, after that I spiraled Ia case of beer a day, soh, so I started drinkingWhen I was sober, all I thought about was you and the girls and all I was hters It was the lowest point in ht"
My eyes teared up and I was thankful he wasn’t looking at ined what it would be like the first time I saw hi at his I could co the inside of my arm as hard as I could to try and distract er I’d clung tight to had evaporated instantly into confusion as I found race of God, and my mom, I was able to stay out of prison My et help She offered to pay for rehab, threatened to coed my dad for help; but as you know, he was a drunk hi into him a little more every day and I was too out of control to notice One day, I was sleeping on the couch of soirl I met in a bar and my sister found me She told me that Moht before"
I couldn’t hold the tears back any up His dad was a loser drunk who used to beat his ot sick of it and kicked him out She worked really hard to raise hiood life for the plans with hiht bag His h She just worked extra hard to ht, she probably loved Zach too much and in turn, enabled hi a ine how her death must have affected his already unstable life
"I tried really hard to stay sober the next couple days I helped Tara plan the funeral and put on a sra binge the night before her services The next thing I re on the door I opened it and Tara started beating the shit out of me She pounded on my chest and punched me in the stomach Then, she reeled back and spit in my face" His voice cracked and I had to s a sob "Her boyfriend, Tony, grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back while I wiped her spit offat ether She turned and cried uncontrollably into Tony’s chest I asked hilared at et ahold of h my mom’s whole funeral"
The sob I’d sorked its way back up and escaped as I clasped rabbed a napkin fro his own eyes "Needless to say, that was the lowest point in my entire life My drunk ass was so selfish and so in love with the bottle, not only had I lost my kids, but now I missed my mom’s funeral I checked into an inpatient rehab the next day and lived there for six long ugly months While I was there o to his funeral In my mind, that would have been a betrayal to my mom"