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‘Let’s do the es’

I was pulled back fro suddenly where ere

‘Why, are you afraid of getting lost? C’e for you See if you can memorize the route you take in, then take the reverse one out I’ll tilanced back towards the house ‘I’d really rather not’ Even the thought of it had brought a knot to ain’

‘That’s not it’

‘No probleo back to the boring little annexe’

I knoas joking But soht of Deirdre on the bus, her coirls had stayed behind Mine was to be the slanced over at theridiculous Perhaps I had been behaving ridiculously for years It was all over, after all And I wason

‘Just remember which turn you take, then reverse it to come out It’s not as hard as it looks Really’

I left him on the path before I could think about it I took a breath, and walked in past the sign that warned ‘No Unacco briskly between the dark, dalistened with raindrops

It’s not so bad, it’s not so bad, I found es I took a right turn, then a left through a break in the hedge I took another right, a left, and as I went I rehearsed in ht Left Break Right Left

My heart rate began to rise a little, so that I could hear the blood pu in my ears I forced lancing down at his watch It was just a silly test I was no longer that naive young woman I enty-seven I lived with my boyfriend I had a responsible job I was a different person

I turned, went straight on, and turned again

And then, alht I saw a h I toldht Left Break Right Right? Had I got that the wrong way around? My breath caught in my throat I forced myself onwards, only to realize that I had colanced aroundto work out which direction est

And as I stood there, it dawned on me that I couldn’t do it I couldn’t stay in there I whipped round, and began to walk in what I thought was a southerly direction I would get out I enty-seven years old It was fine But then I heard their voices, the catcalling, the aps in the hedge, felt iving prickle of the hedge as I fell against it, trying to steady et out now,’ I had told theuys’

And they had all vanished The ht have been theht have been the wind dislodging the leaves

‘I want to go out now,’ I had said, azed up at the sky, briefly unbalanced by the vast, studded black of the space above ht me around my waist – the dark-haired one The one who had been to Africa

‘You can’t go yet,’ he said ‘You’ll spoil the game’

I had known then, just from the feel of his hands on my waist I had realized that some balance had shifted, that soun to evaporate And I had laughed, pushed at his hands as if they were a joke, unwilling to let him know that I knew I heard hi suddenly, trying to fight rass I heard them all around me, their raised voices, their bodies unseen, and felt my throat constrict in panic I was too disorientated to work out where I was The tall hedges kept swaying, pitching towards , ducking into openings, trying to get away from their voices But the exit never cae, another , briefly exultant that I was near freedoain, back where I had started I reeled as I saw the for rabbed ive me a kiss and I’ll show you the way out’ His voice was soft and drawling

‘Give us all a kiss and we’ll all show you the way out’

Their faces were a blur

‘I just … I just want you to –’

‘Co onOne kiss How hard is that?’

I heard a snigger

‘And you’ll show et out?’ My voice sounded pathetic, even to me

‘Just one’ Heh

He broke away, and I heard the tenor of his breathing change ‘And now Jake’s turn’

I don’t knohat I said then Sohter, felt a hand in my hair, another mouth on mine, insistent, invasive, and then –