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I’ve been in love with Carter since I was ten years old It started the day I saw hi at him to hurry out of the car It was the summer of 1999, and it was hot, and the trailer park stunk of rubbish and smoke Huddled quietly on the porch, I watched as he stepped out of the old truck, and the first thing I noted in my innocent mind was how tall he was

I liked tall

I also liked his hair It was dark blonde and shaggy, and it needed to be seriously coh the mess of it as he moved with an unusually slow pace toward the trailer His face was downcast on his way to the front door, like this was the last place he wanted to be I noticed his hands curling into fists the closer he got to his father

When he disappeared inside, the father looked up and, to aze I felt the hairs on the back ofand rery I would have hurried inside if I could, but said Uncle had kicked me out due to "business" Every ti o, all of thery eyes When I eventually elcomed back in, I’d see Aunt Cheryl curled up in a ball in her bed with the covers over top of her Uncle Russell would be counting arette in his mouth Those were usually my favourite days because he’d ask et whatever I craved It beat living off mac and cheese or Suimin noodles the other six days of the week

So when Carter’s scary father looked at me, I turned my body away from him and stared out into the trailer park with my knees to my chest Moments later, I heard the door slaed from within, and I craned my head in the direction of the trailer to listen in, but I couldn’t irl Only because I was lonely There were a lot of kids around, but they were mostly boys, and Uncle Russell didn’t likeon the porch and watching them play They usually kicked a ball around on a bit of land in between the trailers next to a rundown park no parent would dare let their kids on They were boys of all ages, and soatory words to ed, I’d learn just what they rate hile ran through my chest all the way down to the pit of ht haired and beautiful An almost twelve year old boy that never once turned his head to look atvastly popular a

It wasn’t his blasé attitude that had the guys sub to him It was the fact Carter had no fear He was unafraid of any kid, no matter their size, and it was unheard of to be this way in a rough place like the one ere living in, where the adults we should be looking up to were actually the villains in our story In return, the kids wanted hiold a a sea of rubbish

To ht, s I’d ever seen

Like me, he spent most of his ti sun, Carter and I were out Away frouments, I’d flee from the porch and follow Carter around He usually had a basketball in his hand, and he’d bounce it up and down the street with his shirt off and looped around his neck And there I was, twenty paces behind hi but a pink sundress on and worn-out sandals

He’d bounce that basketball out of the trailer park, sla the road and into the nature reserve And I’d trail behind hi past the brush as he held the ball and stopped by a stream He’d take his shoes off and rest his feet in the water under the shade I wished I had the courage to approach him To sit down next to hi water Instead, I was battingmy sweaty, dirty blonde hair from one shoulder to the other

And I’d just take hi desperately for hiht he was alone