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Eleven

The way to Gosnells was straightforward Directions were easy, and it would have taken as station At every stop, I founda few snacks, then returning toand eating, and repeat

Mom was dead, he said, the second I called hi the i had prepared o in a car crash EightDaysAgo

I’d been numb all over My whole body had shook wildly, and a cold sensation ran up and down my spine, but my emotions were detached Maybe it was self-preservation I didn’t want to think I was too unfeeling to care, but the evident fear ht plausible

Then more news She’d had her funeral My mother’s funeral and I wasn’t there to bury her More shock More glacial tingles down my spine Speechless Numb Numb Numb

I’d called just in the nick of time Her landlord had done all he could to keep the house with all her possessions intact, but he was losing money and needed to have it cleared out

Too lost for words at that point, I’d simply answered yes when he asked me to do it I was forwarded the landlord’s nuotten off the phone, I broke the news to Daniel and Lexi ere beyond stunned themselves I didn’t need sympathy, not when it was suddenly so hard for me to evoke any kind of emotion at the loss of my mother who I hadn’t seen and barely, if at all, spoken to in years

When they’d offered to co I needed to do on my own I wasn’t prepared to have those close tothat part of me buried in the past

After calling the landlord, I was given teeks to clear the house Daniel handed me the keys to his SUV, and I packed a suit case and decided to start the journey the nextto delay this In and out was my objective, and maybe somewhere in the entire process I would be able to feel soestible So surreal, as if I was outside ofme; doe eyed and lost, like a child in search of direction

I should have just told the landlord to toss everything in that house in the landfill What would I possibly want to have in it, after all? Only I knew that would be a callous and uncaring act My mother had been a shitty parent to me, but I had to respect the situation and not run from it because it was the easy way out

On the other hand, I knew the difficulty in e that house wasn’t the sole reason why I didn’t want to return It was everything that Gosnells stood for: my childhood, memories, Lucinda… and Jaxon I’d done my research The town had tripled in size the last three years due to the ht in a flood of workers and fa to situate themselves in an established tohere moms and kids weren’t far fro fifty thousand Gosnells was becoricultural town anyht burown up with; people ere tied to him And Lucinda wasn’t even a block away fro her ht with it Hoould I explain ht did was lead o After I’d left Jaxon without so oodbye, I’d showed up at Lexi’s doorstep and hysterically baredbecause I couldn’t hold it in anymore

"Did he ever lay a hand on you?" was her first question after I’d revealed my dark side

"Never It was all me, Lexi All of it"

"You can stay here, but I don’t know for how long"

"He’ll knohere to find o?"

"Probably stay the night at a hotel, and then take the Greyhound bus out of the city I’ve got a good chunk of ht of the world pressed on my heart "I don’t care Away"

She’d been silent for a while, deep in thought I knew her too well, and when I saw the stiffening of her shoulders, I knew solistened as she looked up at o"

"What? Why haven’t you toldto et teive Then I reirl, and she’d been sending hih with hione But he’s on the lease, too, and he’s playing the stubborn asshole Won’t go" With a sigh, she bit her lip and that tough look I kneell to be Lexi returned as she straightened herself and relaxed her shoulders "If you’re going to go, then I’ as station just outside of Gosnells The pain and the tightness in ht I was having an anxiety attack, and it didn’t help when I looked back on that summer Lexi and I took off Four weeks we jumped on buses and made our way to nowhere in particular It was so away and locked up inside our heads, talking to strangers as a way to distract ourselves fro I’d convinced myself the spontaneous trip was therapy, and that I’d healed frorubbydaest mistake of my life So I turned it around and we headed back to Winthrop

Twenty eight days I’d been gone, and I’d prepared the speech of my life It was the kind of speech that would haveJaxon to take me back I hadn’t anticipated that I’d rock up to the aparth the apartmentfrom across the street Then it was confirmed when I buzzed up to the apartment They’d been moved in for two and a half weeks, they said, and had no idea who this Jaxon I was asking about was