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"Josie! I thought you ith him…You’re okay! Are you okay? Kasey…his car! You’re here? How?" He was looking athis hands up and downain as he tried to explain about the accident and how he thought I ith Kasey

You kno you feel in a really scary dream? How you sometimes wake up and you’re als or your ar there looking atwith joy at my safety and despair at ers went nu the side of the road as the birds chirped in the blue skies of a flawless Maysuddenly dawned

"You left him there? You left him there?" My voice rose in an uncharacteristic shriek that clanged in my head I turned and ran from the house, still inrunner and I ran full out down the road,"Josie! Josie! Wait!" behind , "Dad!Dad!Help me!Dad!" as he cried for my dad, whobut an all-consu while Kasey was somewhere hurt I’d run about a half ht up to me They’d jumped in Old Brown, our ancient farm truck, because it was out by the corral where Johnny had found nition Johnny was behind the wheel, and it was probably a good thing because if he’d tried to stopand I’d inherited s froer door andarhtthe side of the road

"Josie!" He’d said roughly "Josie stop! Honey! I’ll take you to hio in the truck!" I’d been kicking and bucking, trying to cut loose of hi and looked up hi hard My dad was one of those y, suntanned, rancher’s face Mo voice was loud and rough, and he rodeot past the bark I’d seen his eyes tear up a thousand times, and we all teased him about it But when I looked up into his face and saw the devastation in his eyes and the tears on his cheeks, er became a rush of terrible fear

"Honey - I don’t think he ht as he held back a sob "Johnny said he was gone He caht you were trapped in the car, honey"

"No!" I started fighting in earnest, andto fold both of us into the truck "I’ll take you to him…I’ll take you, honey, just hold on"

They’d taken hway patrol officer had arrived at the accident, and he’d covered Kasey up with sos and arht Old Brown to a stop and ju to the officer It was one of the Carter boys, all grown up and official in his police uniforlasses and all He was five or six years older than rown up in Levan, too I’d known him all my life, but at that moment I couldn’t think of his na shoulders as they walked to where Kasey was covered He knelt and gently pulled back the sheet just a little bit and Johnny nodded in response to solimpse of Kasey’s curly head I heard Johnny say Kasey’s name, and I put my head down on my dad’s lap and wept

After his funeral, Kasey was buried in Levan Cemetery next to his Grandpa Judd who had passed ahen Kasey was ten Kasey had loved his grandpa and would have liked that, but I secretly wished he could be buried next to my mom, that in his death I could claim him, that he could be nu his The anger I felt towards God kept rief for a while I had suffered my quota already-it wasn’t fair that He should take two people from me It was someone else’s turn I futh and understanding, I found ry to finish, and would leave er there was also a question In sorrow, I found iven toto take him away?" It seemed so cruel, and the God I kneas not that God It was the first time in my life I questioned His love for me

The date I was supposed toht descended, I founddress, the dress that would have become mine that very day had Kasey lived It was si sleeved It looked very Jane Austen to me, and I had loved it all my life My mother had stored it carefully, and it was almost as white as the day she wore it

I had a picture of her in this dress, looking up at my dad with the most serene smile on her face She held yellow roses in her bouquet and wore a flowered wreath in her hair Her hair was a rich, heavy brown, and it hung down al, but my wide eyes and htly fuller top lip, which gave my mouth a Betty Boop effect Dad had affectionately called us Boop and Boop Then Mo and happy The picture had caught my dad with his eyes closed, but somehow that justhis blessings at that ratitude