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It was funny she used the word "found," because all of a sudden I felt more lost than I ever had been I didn’t kno I hada tyrant to the point he could ignore the fact that his child was being hurt I don’t kno I hadbetweenmore important and went so far beyond kinship and caht And maybe most importantly I didn’t know exactly how I felt about the fact that the ghost that was always hovering between Rowdy and nore, for both of us

CHAPTER 13

Rowdy

I NEEDED TO GO home and take a shower and wash the sweat and sunshine off of my skin, but I wasn’t in the mood to be alone, and the one person I wanted to be as currently accoain That being the case, I headed to the one place where I knew there would be someone I could commiserate with and would feed me booze even on a mellow Monday afternoon

The Bar was actually pretty busy considering it was still an hour or so before happy hour and Mondays weren’t generally big crowd days The regulars were all lined up in their usual spots at the bar but there was also a group of younger guys gathered around the pool tables in the back that were being loud and ridiculously boisterous Asa atching therizzled war vets that sat sentinel at the scarred bar top

"They seem fun" The sarcasm was heavy in my voice as Asa set a beer in front of me and narrowed his eyes even further as a chorus of hoots and hollers went up as Dixie dropped off a trayful of drinks

"I don’t knohere they wandered in from but I wish they would find their way back there"

"You need a bouncer to keep the peace"

"Rome used to handle most of the rowdies" He snorted as I lifted my eyebrow at the twist on my name "But with the baby and Cora, he isn’t here asa head here or there, but I have a record, so I have to watch myself"

"Hire someone to do it if Rome isn’t able to"

He moved down the bar to make a round of drinks that Dixie called for and ca his hands on the back of his jeans

"Rouy is getting discharged soon and talking about heading here I think he’s holding the spot for him You know Rome won’t pass up a chance to help a fellow soldier out if he can"

I nodded and picked at the label ontoday e rolled up into the iant, burly soldier that looks like he couldaround this little pink bundle all wrapped up in bows and sweetness She’s so slass They’re a good teaer"

"Roood that co he sacrificed in his life"

I pushed the edge of my hat up and looked at him because I really wanted to know his answer to the question I was about to ask

"Is that what it takes to be rewarded by fate, to find real happiness in life? Sacrifice?"

Asa’s gold eyes shined speculatively "I don’t know Maybe I know I’ve never lived a life where I ever put anyone or anything before myself I can’t see a way that I deserve to have the kind of life Ro Ayden has with Jet And you knohat?" He leaned on the back of the bar across froood with that I’ve never done anything to deserve what they have"

"What about turning it around? Being here now and helping Ro up your act so that Ayden doesn’t have to live her life wondering what’s going to happen to you or what kind of trouble you’re going to drop on her doorstep? That doesn’t equal repentance and a chance at real happiness and goodness for you?"

I hated to think the past was going to forever define the future for anyone For Asa especially, because under all his easy charood dude

"I’ve said it before, just because I can act right and be an upstanding guy doesn’tis It’s work every day to remind myself what I have to lose if I fall back into old habits, but it’s always there--the temptation to take the easy way--the desire to think only of ood and real in his life Pretty sure that if I ever gotthat looked like it was meant to be, I would probably destroy it Just ask Ayden I always hed and took another slug of beer "Well, shit I stopped by hoping you were going to put lass broke in the back and he scowled as Dixie moved over in the direction to help clean it up only to be subjected to a series of derogatory catcalls

"You did look a little riled up when you walked in What’s up?"

And that hy Asa was so freaking good behind a bar He could talk about anything He was brutally honest about who he was and what he had done, which often uys that frequented this place feel way better about the things they were battling themselves, and he always seemed like he had an answer for whatever burden was laid on the bar in front of him Even if most of the advice he doled out was bullshit, it still sounded good when it ca