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The solitary word tears throughaway I killed him Took his life Gazed into his eyes as he took his last breath It’s impossible to hide froo, he will go with ly, rocking, staring into s Gibberish, incoherent pleas flow froo, to leaveto God maybe If God still listens to the prayers of sorip on one Shadows bleed over the walls with the onco host really is visiting me Whatever the case, I’m pretty much in a world of suck

Sean still sleeps, lost in dreareat oblivion of sleep where even dreams can’t touch you He’s totally unmired in the past, and I envy hih it’s not his fault

I inhale, but the rooht, the walls too close The odor of my freshly dyed hair sears my nostrils I slip from the bed andsilently on the floor,the wall as I walk I step past the smaller bedroom where Sabine sleeps Gil snores from the couch

At the front door, I squeeze my feet into my shoes and turn the doorknob, desperate to taste air and feel open space all around ht greets o at it, a hypnotic drone that drapes over a thicker layer of silence It’s this underlying silence that unnervesover h me The kind of quiet that you never hear in the city Or in the suburbs That indefinable thing, that electric buzz, isPeople

I tuck the choppy-short strands of hair behindround as I lance behind reveals the hulking shape of the trailer It looks innocuous, gri on concrete blocks, the hardwood planks cracked and buckling in places The harsh climate has taken its toll on the structure It’s as battered as the landscape

A coyote yips in the distance Months ago the sound would have startledback for shelter I would have been terrified of co face-to-face with a wild anis than beasts waiting in the dark Things like me

Wind tears atthe river far below The rough scrape of rock abrades ht Sean has spent hours out here, his skin turning brown fros in the valley below

The faintest color tinges the sky, casting the dawn a ht a blanket with ht

I know that the temperature will spike once the sun rises and bakes the earth--and us inside the trailer We have a couple of table fans, but they only seem to stir the hot air around I should enjoy the chill while I have it

The coyote is quiet now It’s only the purr of cicadas over the silence as I squint into the darkness below, detecting the barest glint of water there, waiting for us to cross

Suddenly a blanket is draped overup sharply Sean sinks down besidethe trailer"

I nod He’s right, of course We’re fugitives They’re looking for us Well, maybe not us specifically, but carriers We can’t be the only ones out here hiding Hoping to get across

"Thank you" I tighten e of the blanket The fabric helps ward off the chill, but I still shiver Silence stretches between us as we stare out at the fading night

Sean’s voice strokes over me "You ready to leave here?"

"As ready as I’ll ever be" Maybe out there, on the other side, deadon, Davy?"

I don’t pretend that I don’t understand hisI tried that with Sabine, but I can’t do that with Sean Not after all we’ve been through I owe him more than that And yet I don’t kno to explain it, either Ahosts? "I can’t shake off Mount Haven What I did there" It’s as close as I can co the fact that I murdered someone in cold blood He knows it, of course, but that doesn’t ht up in his eyes Their blue-gray glitters atfor when those eyes used to ood "It’ll pass," he says

I nod, wanting to believe that, wanting to find sos that you think you’ll never get over But you do You ive Whatever" A long pause follows, like he’s thinkingreiven hio on with it"

He sounds like he al to see the crack in his expression that reveals he doesn’t--that he’s lying to himself To me It never comes He’s reached so for that sah my chest