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But now I can’t tell him I won’t Then I say, "Dara’s not ho in his jaw Even midwinter, he has the kind of skin that always looks tan I wish he looked worse I wish he looked as bad as I feel "Well, you’re here for her, aren’t you?"
"Jesus, Nick" He turns back to me then "We need toI don’t knowfix this Fix us"
"I don’t knohat youht just come apart
"You do knohat I mean," he says "You are--were--estures to the space between us, the long stretch of basement, where for years we built pillow forts and coest "What happened?"
"What happened is you started dating my sister," I say The words come out louder than I intended
Parker takes a step toward me "I didn’t mean to hurt you," he says, his voice quiet, and for a second I want to close the distance between us and bury myself in the soft place between his arm and shoulder blade, and tell him how dumb I’ve been, and let his and weird trivia about the world’s largest ha structures built entirely from toothpicks "I didn’t mean to hurt either of you It justhappened" He’s practically whispering now "I’ to stop it"
I take a step backward "You’re not trying very hard," I say I know I’ a bitch, but I don’t care He’s the one who ruined everything He’s the one who kissed Dara, who keeps kissing her, who keeps telling her yes, no matter how many times they break up "I’ll let Dara know you caes And in that moment I know I’ve hurt hiet a sick rush of triu an insect between folds of paper towel and squeezing Then he just looks angry--hard, alhtened into stone
"Yeah, all right" He takes two steps backward before turning around "Tell her I’ for her Tell her I’m worried about her"
"Sure" My voice sounds unfa piped in from somewhere a thousand miles away I broke up with Aaron And for what? Parker and I aren’t even friends anyht be sick
"Oh, and Nick?" Parker pauses at the foot of the stairs His expression is iht try and apologize again "Your shirt’s on inside out"
Then he’s gone, sprinting up the stairs, leaving me alone
JULY 29
Birthday Card from Nick to Dara
Happy birthday, D
I have a surprise for you
10 po up
See you at dinner