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I’ restlessly around the apartboth numbers and neither of them answers I finally lie down in bed but it takes forever for sleep to clai on a hill in our Hill Country home, the sun war by, cooling my skin I hear footsteps and raiselike about a asp

"I feel excellent, Livvy, EXCELLENT!" she says

She’s wearing a big crown on her head I squint at it "Where did you get that crown?"

"What do you mean? It’severything, reme at est smile and warmest eyes ever

I wake up to a knock on the door, and open it to see Tahoe He looks like shit He drags a hand over his beard, growls low and painfully, "Grandma passed"

We fly back to Texas in Tahoe’s jet, my brother and his copilot at the controls

In the car, the three of us--he, Gina, and I--are all quiet My brother has a black eye, and he keeps rubbing it in frustration Gina keeps her hand on his thigh in silent support I want to cry but so blocks the tears Shock I stare out theas Tahoe drives us topast us, knowing I won’t see Nana again

"You okay, Liv?" Tahoe asks e park in my parents’ driveway

I’rabsdown at me with brotherly concern

"You and she were very close Why aren’t you crying?" he asks

"Because I’m mad" I sweep away and head tome

"I’m sorry, Dad," I tell my father, because Nana was his , ht as a ball with no way to crack open

I let go and head up the stairs, straight to e of the bed and just stare at the ground, wondering if Nana felt any pain, wondering if she was scared, wondering why I wasn’t here, wondering why I’ry

I feel nu a thousand and one hugs, one after the other--I’m so sorry, our deepest condolences, the world lost someone very special--and I only nod, and nod, and nod, until I’s fill up with the distinctive, addictive sht in the aze is the rawest I’ve ever seen it A scrape in ht of him feels

We ease apart His ti "I didn’t like that you didn’t come to me That you didn’t let me hold you"

"I had to leave I couldn’t think But I wanted to"

He gives me a look that implicitly tellsto robyou now?" he asks me