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"Forget it, Jules It was a stupid thing to say," he says over his shoulder as he starts walking

"Oh my God!"

He walks faster to his car And I stand here like a total loser, watching hio

I don’t blame him He doesn’t believe me I never expected hi that

• • •

Froain--my peace didn’t even last twenty-four hours I drive hon, every store , and the billboard are covered in the scene of the crash Rowan tries to find out what’s going on, but I drive in stony silence Eventually she’s sh to shut up

When we pull in the alley where we park the beast, Trey is standing there waiting where he always is so we can keep up our "all going to school in the giant truck of balls" ruse I turn off the engine and look hard at Rowan "Don’t you ever tell Mootti, you hear me?"

Her eyes widen and she shrinks away fro around here"

"I ain

"Good" The three of us get out of the truck and walk in the back door, where Tony is whistling, Moiant pot of sauce, and Dad is nowhere to be found

Nineteen

All afternoon and evening, the vision beatsIt’s clear to , but it wasn’t enough Apparently I have to get hiet hi about it, which will be absolutely ia is--that helpless, e that makes me want to curl up in the corner and bawl my eyes out--it’s that I know I can’t make it happen There’s no way I can convince Sawyer or anybody that this crash will take place, and that nine people, including hi to die And I think part of it is because I don’t quite believe it myself But if I don’t believe this vision is destined to happen, then I have to believe I’er than anything I can do, and I’ain, knowing he won’t ever believeif he mentions my weirdness to anyone it will ruin any reputation I have left, knowing that his fa drastic that will randfather did, and knoe could lose everything, scares the hell out of me

I don’t knohat to do

And for the first time, I think about real depression, the disease, and what that randfather killed hirandkids, and a business that he loved, and he just ended it all Those good things in his life weren’t enough for his seeotti flourished Only they didn’t fall apart, they just stayed the sarandfather His insides, his brain, couldn’t take it

I heard randfather was a selfish person, hurting people like that, and I thought she was right I’ve thought that about my dad, too Lots of ti about this, about mental illness, is so complicated I just don’t know