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We weave through it Thankfully, Dad is nowhere to be found, either asleep or buried alive under all his crap It’s not like he’s violent orHe’s justunpredictable When he’s feeling good, he’s in the restaurant He’s visible He’s easy to keep track of But on the days he doesn’t come doe never knohat to expect We cli he could be standing right there in the kitchen, long-faced, unshaven, having surfaced to eat so off the saies, day after day after day I just couldn’tup to it I’m sorry you kids have to work so hard What do you say to that after the tenth ti in the dark living roolow fro his depressed existence so we can’t ignore it It’s probably wrong that Trey and Rowan and I all hope he stays invisible, holed up in his bedroom on days like these, but it’s just easier when he’s out of sight We can pretend depressed Dad doesn’t exist

Tonight we breathe a sigh of relief Trey heads into the cluttered bathrooh soap, shah Y3K Thank God our bedrooms are off-limits to Dad I peek intoin her bed already, but I’rab a glass of milk fro rooh the DVR list, choosing a rerun of an old Sherlock Hol a little bit at a tiet a chance So it too, because it’s not cued up to the last part I watched I hit the slowest fast-forward so I can find where I left off

Trey peeks his head in the rooles the keys to the meatball truck, and when I hold outit I shouldn’t have agreed to only ten bucks a week, but I was desperate It’s not nearly enough to pay for the huiant balls "Where’s ht if one day is a holiday?" He gives me what he thinks is his adorable face and hands me a five and three ones

"Sorry Not in the contract" I hold oes back to his roo around outside on the moors in fast mode, which looks kind of kooky

Trey returns "Here"

I grab the two bucks from hiht"

When he’s gone, I stop the fast-forward, knowing I went too far, and rewind to the commercial as I slip the keys into my other pocket, then press play

Instead of the ain

It flashes by in a few seconds, and then it’s gone The truck, the building, the explosion And then back to our regularly scheduled progra

"Stop it," I whisper My stomach flips and a creepy shiver runs downand sit there ato calm down And then I hit rewind

Ninety-nine percent of iant hound on the nawing thing inabout it

"Why does this keep happening?" I ain I hit play and it all flies by so fast, I can hardly see it I rewind once more and this time set it to play in slow motion

The truck is yellow I notice it’s actually a sno, and the snow is falling pretty hard It’s dark outside, but the streetla slightly, crossing to the wrong side and going off the road It jumps the curb spastically and jounces over so lot, and then I see the building--there’s a large --for a split second before the truck hits it The building explodes shortly after contact, glass and brick shrapnel flying everywhere The scene cuts to the body bags in the snow I count again to make sure--definitely nine The last fras, and then it’s over I hit the pause button

"What are you doing?"

I ju in the doorway squinting atto callance back at the TV with slow- atI don’t know Porn, or so else I’m not supposed to look at But it’s paused at a sour cream commercial I let out a breath of relief and turn ht I heard Mom come up"

"Not yet Not for a while"

She scratches her head, the sleeve of her boy ja to bed soon? Or do you want me to stay up with you?"

Her sweet, sleepy disposition is one of enerous when she just wakes up I suck in , and look at the reotta brush my teeth"