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"What?"

She nodded, continuing to stare at her hand "My fa, independent, always happy one of all of us My parents and siblings are in awe of th," she said sarcastically "But look at me I’m a mess None of them know the real truth They don’t even know I had to be on medication" She looked up at him a bit hesitantly then continued "Chris, my friend from New York? She’s actually my ex-therapist Nobody except Janecia knoas even in therapy or that I needed to be on anxiety pills for as long as I was"

"That doesn’t make you a fraud"

"Yes, it does I lost it" She stopped and see to say next "I held it together after Ryan’s death My family came out to the services, and my mom even stayed with me for a week I assured them I was fine but then weeks later I completely lost it"

Brandon had no idea what she ht, he was al else "You lost your husband suddenly and very tragically Maybe it took sorieve and feel inconsolable over so like that" She shook her head "It is, babe, and if--"

"I bought a gun, Brandon At first, I was just really lonely and depressed and nant"

The pregnancy she otten, but he’d had no intention of asking her about it It was just another thing he wasn’t sure he could stoave me hope that at least I’d have a part of Ryan with me for the rest of my life It was bittersweet, but I was happy, and then I miscarried I hadn’t even had a chance to tellfor the perfect an to slide down her face again He was deterain "As sad as I was, I was also angry I hated hiotten on that motorcycle when he’d promised me he never would He did it behindout to New York, and he’d told , but I told hiuys who rode motorcycles, so he assured me he never would" She stopped suddenly and looked at Brandon wide-eyed "You don’t ever ride motorcycles, do you?"

Brandon had, but he’d never had any desire to own one At this point, if he planned on keeping Regina in his life, and he had every intention to, he certainly wasn’t going to ride one now "No," he said, wiping away a tear from her cheek "I don’t And I won’t ever I promise"

Her eyes searched his trying to find any trace of dishonesty Brandon felt for her since obviously both Ryan and Janecia had made the same promise and broken it He kissed her on the forehead "I’ I’ve never even been into dirt bikes I swear to you I’ll never ride a motorcycle"

That seemed to calm her worried eyes a bit, and she went on "The day I miscarried I drank an entire bottle of wine, and I trashed my apartment" They were both silent as she stared at her still-tre hands, and Brandon held his breath "I had every intention of taking un off the street because I didn’t want to go through the waiting period and all the red tape of getting it registered I was too much of a coward to take pills and try to overdose" She looked up at hi in tears "I have the worst luck in the world, and I figured I h an overdose and would have to face my family, ould then knohat I coward and a fraud I really aun I could find to make sure it did the job"

"Why does that ina? You had two terrible losses back to back, and you snapped It’s not unheard of"

"I’ her voice "People lose loved ones all the tiun" She frowned,to the wooden chest" It’s buried in there soule wo alone, but deep inside, I kneas really for fear that I ain someday" She pointed at him with that feral look in her eyes she had earlier when she’d told hiht "You lost both your parents, one of theically as I lost Ryan, and I bet you never considered taking your life" Shaking her head, she stared out at nothing in particular "I can’t even ier than I ah and all by yourself, you didn’t fall apart like I did I had my entire fahbors, I wouldn’t be here right now"

Brandon lowered his face to try to get her attention He waited until he had it and she was looking right at hirieves differently, okay? No, I never considered taking my life, but think about it What did I do? I did the very sa you almost did Maybe not literally but I h thewithI didn’t even realize it until you ca" He kissed her softly because he’d just had a huge revelation "What I was doing before youBaby, I may as well have been dead My life noith you compared to what it was thenI was dead"