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I told hione to sleep and woken up with Shazaive or take, ere each other’s whole world We hunted and cooked and groomed and battled and ran wild He was my rock, my teacher, my charu around with a li back in his chair, boots on the desk, ared And the ed, the more I talked

Those remote silvery eyes warmed and came alive, developed cohed, beca endless questions Hours spun by as I regaled him with our zany adventures, and a part of entle sua over the side of the chair "Whose life is?"

"Why did you have to leave him?"

I closed my eyes and told him in a hushed voice about the last world I’d leapt into, following Shazam Each one had its unknown perils but this planet had several that in conjunction were a perfect storm

The portal on Planet X--that hat I called it because I hadn’t been there long enough to learn its name--was on a small island in the middle of a lake The inhabitants were priic, half naked with elaborately feathered headdresses They’d been doing soh, and obviously had experience with people ortheir world via the portal, because there was a powerful force field set up that captured everything the moment it exited

The planet was also one of those that shorted outa horde of ht creatures on the last planet, with no option to return, caught between a rock and a hard place Shazae Either I’d sped up at the last ed it or, for some inexplicable reason, it didn’t hold me

I knoas meant to, because when the tribesmen realized I wasn’t contained, they attackedto break free to protectout that I should leave and come back for hi

I’d never told anyone about this day I hated this day I’d relived it so ure out what else I ht have done

I fistedme with such fierce, quiet intensity, ithim

"You kno ht?" he said dryly

I s where the exit portal was and how long it would takeacross the tribesht the source Across the water was an enor spin Impossible to tell how many, because they whirled in an endless circle Maybe a hundred thousand, maybe a million; it was as bad as the Hall of All Days They never stopped ht, okay, I’ to swim, do a mad dash into a et a bunch of weapons and go back and rescue Shazaht?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head "You chose the o," I said wearily "I told hio anywhere If you get free, don’t juain I swear I’ll be back I won’t let you be lost, all alone’ And he sat there looking atdown his face and he said plaintively, ‘I see you, Yi-yi’ "

"And you knew if you went back for hiht never find your way hoain There was no way to choose the saotten free, there was no way he could choose the saet back to Dublin Goddamn it, I lived that purpose for five bloody years! What if I returned and he was dead and I never found ain? What if he escaped and left--and I went back for nothing? What if he didn’t even wait? What if he took another mirror?" What if he didn’t really love ht it "And what if he waits forever, believing I’ll co hope, day after day? He cries so much and he feels so deeply Ryodan, I’ve been back for months Do you knohat thatdecades for me! Decades!" My voice broke and the tears started to flow I’d never told anyone any of this, and now that it was co ripped in half as badly as it had the day I plucked the crumpled Dani Daily from the trash and realized the terrible irony of where I was I’d been so elated to couns and badass weapons But one hard and cold as stone I couldn’t deal I couldn’t handle the pain

I love Shazam unconditionally There was no abuse or manipulation in our relationship It was pure, full of joy, trust, and physical affection I’d never had anything like it I’d lost the only thing that s Just likeI’d felt so rief and I’d just wanted it to stop, and I’d finally understood why my mom drank and shot up But I couldn’t permit myself to do that So I’d numbed myself the way I kne And these past feeeks, I’d kept the Shazam part of me numb as I tried to let the other parts of s a superhero was supposed to do