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"Gas?"

He feels stupid Why did he say that?

"For the grill"

"Because it’s supposed to get war a barrier between you and everyone else--you see it, but they don’t They talk to you, but you can’t talk back to thes like the weather and what you’re shopping for, and you don’t care about a single thing It is so obvious to you, and it is infuriating that they don’t understand It just highlights that you’re the one who’s defective, you’re the one who can’t be norets to live out their delusions We know We’ve been there

If Sloan were a friend, she would see so If Sloan were a friend, she would feel co But Sloan’s not a friend She’s just a girl he knows A contact His phone is out of control in his pocket Sloan looks at him funny Then finally she says, "Okay, Mr Social I’ll see you Monday Good luck with the grill"

"See you Monday," Cooper says He even tries toforward to it Because that will get rid of her faster

The barrier still stands Sloan moves on, and Cooper takes the phone out of his pocket These guys have barely realized he was gone Cooper flicks through, still trying to find the guy he actually wants to meet

All of these men and boys with their computers, all of these like rush of doing so they consider to be on the edge of so theether on the other end All of these ratification All of these men and boys still lonely when the rush is over, and the devices are off, and they are alone with theain

There is a ter in a canoe Better to be brushing back your hair as it blows into your eyes Better to know that everything you say isyou say is heard

Ryan asks Avery about the pink hair

"I know, strange color choice, right? For a boy born as a girl ants to be seen as a boy But think about it--it just sho arbitrary gender is Pink is feirls any irls? It’s sos can be sold to us My hair can be pink because I’irl If you free yourself from all the stupid arbitrary shit that society controls us with, you feel more free, and if you feel more free, you can be happier"

"My hair’s blue because I like blue," Ryan says

"And mine is pink because I like pink And I totally didn’t mean to lecture you It just makes me mad All the stupid arbitrary shit"

"It makes you want to overthrow the world"

"On a daily basis"

Stupid arbitrary shit We knohat Avery ht of its harle fact about a hu can mean that he and thousands of others like him will die, because nobody wants to talk about the disease that is killing them, nobody wants to spend the money so they won’t die Stupid arbitrary shit means the president of the United States can wait six years before even saying the disease’s name Stupid arbitrary shit means it will take a er to die before ordinary people start to mobilize, start to feel that the disease needs to be stopped Tens of thousands of people will die before drugs arethat is, to know that if the disease had priirls, the epidemic would have been ended years earlier, and tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of lives would have been saved We did not choose our identity, but ere chosen to die by it For stupid arbitrary reasons instilled by people who refused to see how arbitrary they were We believe in the golden rule, but we also believe that people fail to live up to it, tiain Because they fall prey to differences Because some use the arbitrary very deliberately to keep their oer

We don’t burden Avery with this Why would ant to? There is the hope that the world will get less stupid, less arbitrary, as tiress is that it tends to move in one direction, and even a fool who looks at the difference between a hundred years ago and now can see which direction that is Moves like an arrow, feels like an equal sign

In the ilant Deaths like ours teach you to be vigilant

Avery looks at the river, looks at Ryan on the other side of the boat

"The world froht now is a world I can live in"

This is what the right people can do They can s they aren’t saying, of course Ryan ca disorder when he was thirteen, about the tiet help Even his parents don’t know, because he swore the nurse and the counselor not to tell And Avery isn’t advertising the fact that he’s never been past second base, and the idea of sex petrifies him Ryan will not confide--not yet--his detere, and to never cos or funerals Avery will not detail the foolish lengths he went to get Freddy Dickson to like him, and hohen it backfired spectacularly, he cut hi needs to be said at once Sharing truth is not the kind of gift that co paper--ripped open once and, there, you’re done No, this is a gift thatIt’s enough to have the beginning and feel like it’s a beginning

Harry has been kissing Craig for forty-sevenagain, but without the dra boyfriends It’s so ht He’d known all along that they’d get here, that they’d have this When it was ending--when the boyfriend part was ending--he had been very deliberate about choosing his words He didn’t want to say Let’s just be friends or I hope we can stay friends, because that made friendship sound like a consolation prize, the blue ribbon to look at distractedly while soold cup No, what he said was: "I think you and I will be even closer, and that ill be even better together and more to each other if we’re best friends, not boyfriends" He knows it still hurt Craig, and he knows it took soht, hadn’t he? They would have never attempted this if they’d been boyfriends They would have never lasted long enough to get here And he wouldn’t have lasted even forty-five , if Craig turned hi at the start, but now it’s leveling off He’s glad Craig can’t read his ht be taken as harsh, but really it’s a compliment There are moments where Harry is so revved up, is so horny, that he’d sleep with just about anything It takes a lot of restraint to realize the dae this can do, and to not venture places where you shouldn’t go, even if you’re revved up He and Craig had fun, for sure, but it was never about sex And now Harry needs to stop thinking about sex, because his body is starting to … react So he thinks about so else--about whether he should ask for a sip of water They’re allowed to have soh a straw, and the lips are still touching Tricky, but it can be done The proble to pee later And he really wants to avoid that This is another of the rules: no diapers, no cheating in the bathrooot to whip it out and pee on the grass--or just leak a little into his pants Neither option is really attractive, and the horny edge is totally off hisoff Good call He has to focus on the kiss Not letting go of the kiss The worst thing he can do is drift off There are people all around, but he can’t turn to look at any of the’s shoulder That’s it He loves Craig, it’s true And the number one reason he doesn’t want toto have this achieve Because it means more to hi’s idea, orlike thislike this more