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I kneasn’t going to do it But I also knew I could I treasured that thought That I could

Most of the ti for love

That was definitely the case withI was looking for Justin became the mourner I wanted, and that led to other friends, other mourners I populated my funeral until I didn’t want one anymore

But I realize that’s not always the case

I realize there are girls who don’t have that

I realize I aht now Not because of what A told nize that

It’s a short drive, but I try to co about A at all I a why A, who’s lived in so many bodies, doesn’t knohat to do I am not amazed that I know more than A does

I’ as fast as I can

I find the house It’s a nor the doorbell It sounds like a normal doorbell

She answers, and fro girl, that she’s desperately trying to disappear The signs of it tattoo her body--the wear and tear It is hard for unhealthy people to masquerade as healthy ones, especially once they’ve stopped caring if other people notice

The only difference is her eyes Her eyes are still alive

I know that’s not her

I know for sure now that this is actually happening No trick Just truth Plenty of feeling, but at the center of it--fact

"Thank you for coirl’s rooainst it and left herself the wreckage to live in Her clothes are all over the place, and there’s no way of telling the difference between the clean and the dirty She’s broken hertorn down She ht as well cut her wrist and rub FUCK YOU across the walls

It’s not a er

There’s a notebook on the bed I open it I knohat I’ut

This is how to stab yourself

This is how to bleed

This is how to choke

This is how to fall

This is how to burn

This is how to poison

This is how to die

These aren’t hypotheticals This isn’t her being dras To end the feelings

It is all so wrong I want to shake her I want to tell her to step away from the funeral