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I have been heavy before, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this heavy It’s as if sacks of meat have been tied to my li Because this is not muscular heaviness I am not a linebacker No, I’m fat Flabby, unwieldy fat

When I finally take a look around and take a look inside, I’m not very excited about what I see Finn Taylor has retreated froence and laziness, a carelessness that would be pathological if it had any h I will find some well of humanity, all I can see on the surface is the ee to the shower, pick a ball of lint the size of a cat’s paw out of Finn’s belly button I have to push hard to get anything done Thereto do anything, and Finn just gave in to it

Within five

I don’t want Rhiannon to see me like this But I have to see Rhiannon--I can’t cancel on her for a second day in a row, not when things feel so precarious between us

I warn her I say in e today But I still want to see her after school I’m close to the Clover Bookstore today, so I propose that as ain Finn’s me school, but I go anyway I’ll let him save his absences for when he’s actually conscious of them

Because of the size of this body, I must concentrate s--as pedal, the amount of space I have to leave around me in the halls--require et--such undisguised disgust Not just fro to the thing that Finn has allowed hi ust I a

I’ve worn black today, because I’ve heard so often that it’s supposed to be sli through the halls

The only respite is lunch, where Finn has his two best friends, Ralph and Dylan They’ve been best friends since third grade They make fun of Finn’s size, but it’s clear they don’t really care If he were thin, they’d make fun of hio hoe As I’ myself off, I wonder if I could plant a trau that he’d stop eating sosuch a thing I remind myself that it’s not my business to tell Finn what to do

I’ve put on Finn’s best clothes--an XXXL button-down and some size 46 jeans--to meet up with Rhiannon I even try a tie, but it looks ridiculous, ski-sloping off my stomach

The chairs are wobbly underneath me at the bookstore’s café I decide to walk the aisles instead, but they’re too narrow, and I keep knocking things off the shelves In the end, I wait for her out front

She spots nition’s in her eyes, but it’s not a particularly happy one

"Hey," I say

"Yeah, hey"

We just stand there

"What’s up?" I ask

"Just taking you all in, I guess"