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I try to avoid Justin at lunch, but I fail

I’m in a hallway nowhere near either of our lockers or the lunchroo there, too He’s not happy to see ards my presence as a fact, no different than the bell between periods

"Wanna take it outside?" he asks

"Sure," I say, not really knohat I’ to

In this case, "outside" et slices and Cokes He pays for himself, but makes no offer to pay foron what I iainst him by everyone else, all the ti fro about college to his English teacher’s "gay way of talking" I’ very ht word, because this conversation is designed for me to be at least five steps behind He doesn’t want , he just lets it sit there on the table between us, doesn’t pick it up

As he goes on about what a bitch Stephanie is being to Steve, and keeps shoving pizza into his face, and looks at the table ainst the palpable teh he doesn’t realize it, the power is all mine All it would take is a minute--less--to break up with him All it would take are a feell-chosen words to cut the tether He could counterattack with tears or rage or prole one

It is so much what I want, but I don’t open my mouth I don’t use this power Because I know that this kind of ending would never lead to the beginning I want If I end things like this, Rhiannon will never forgive ht she undo it all to as I re

I hope she realizes: The whole time, Justin never notices She can seeHe’s not looking that closely

Then he calls her Silver Just a sio, Silver," e’re done I thinkSo I access, and there it is AThe Outsiders for English class, lying on his bed side by side with the sa She thinks the book’s a relic fro boys bonded over Gone with the Wind, but she quiets herself when she sees howhi the beginning again until he’s done Then he closes the book and says, "Wow I old can stay How true is that?" She doesn’t want to break the moment, doesn’t want to question what it uess that ht, he calls out, "So long, Silver!" And it stays

When we head back to school, we don’t hold hands, or even talk When we part, he doesn’t wish ether He doesn’t even say he’ll see me soon He just assumes it

I am hyperaware--as he leaves me, as I am surrounded by other people--of the perilous nature of what I a, of the butterfly effect that threatens to flutter its wings with every interaction If you think about it hard enough, if you trace potential reverberations long enough, every step can be a false step, any noring that I shouldn’t be ignoring? What a? What won’t I notice that she would absolutely notice? While I’es a?

When we look at a crowd, our eyes naturally go to certain people, whether we know theht now is blank I knohat I see, but not what she’d see

The world is still glass