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The key for the actor playing Tiny is to know this: I wanted it I really, really wanted it Keep that infoolish

When the curtain rises, we see a swing set on the stage There is a brief overture as Tiny swings on his own Then the ue

TINY:

Love is the most common miracle Love is always a miracle, everywhere, every time But for us, it’s a little different I don’t want to say it’s h Our miracle is different because some people say it’s impossible But let me tell you--it’s possible Very possible

Tiny leaps off the swing and lands in what seems to be a heap

TINY:

I fall and I fall and I fall and I fall and I fall

The swing set is wheeled off, and the EX-BOYFRIENDS

["PARADE OF EX-BOYFRIENDS"]

CHORUS OF EX-BOYFRIENDS:

We are the parade of ex-boyfriends!

EX-BOYFRIEND 1:

You’re too clingy

EX-BOYFRIEND 2:

You’re too sing-y

EX-BOYFRIEND 3:

You’re so massive

EX-BOYFRIEND 4:

I’m just too passive

EX-BOYFRIEND 5:

I’d rather be friends

EX-BOYFRIEND 6:

I don’t date tight ends

EX-BOYFRIEND 7:

I found another guy

EX-BOYFRIEND 8:

I don’t have to tell you why

EX-BOYFRIEND 9:

I don’t feel the spark

EX-BOYFRIEND 10:

It was only just a lark

EX-BOYFRIEND 11:

You mean you won’t put out?

EX-BOYFRIEND 12:

I can’t conquer s to do

EX-BOYFRIEND 14:

I have other guys to screw

EX-BOYFRIEND 15:

Our love has all been in your head

EX-BOYFRIEND 16:

I’m worried that you’ll break my bed

EX-BOYFRIEND 17:

I think I’ll just stay home and read

EX-BOYFRIEND 18:

I think you’re in love with my need

CHORUS OF EX-BOYFRIENDS:

Tiny Cooper, have no doubt:

You’re the one we can live without

TINY (in a Sondheimian frenzy):

What’d I do?

What’d I say?

Why did these boys

all go away?

I tried hard to be

who they’d wante

when there’s no one to buy it?

Auy?

My love life’s a train wreck

so I ht as well fly

CHORUS OF EX-BOYFRIENDS:

Parade!

Of the ex-boyfriends!

Any relationship that starts

inevitably ends!

EX-BOYFRIEND 1:

You wanted me too much