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My birthday ca dinner planned, told hi at a special needs ca, because I was shit at lying I couldn’t see--hadn’t talked for almost three weeks But for so was fine, then maybe we’d find our way back, and no one would ever need to know

I suppose part of it was pride, too I felt betrayed, yes, but I also felt oddly ashairlfriend had left me for some tattooed nobody, like they just stared atcrazy, but s lately

Soed to keep the football side of ht My nu to swirl on ESPN and in the papers about what I ht do next season Dylan and I talked frequently, evenmy brother She told e, in a draft year like this, so I just keptto the NFL was a future dream before, it was an out-clause noay to start over, and becoer or na&iuuy I had been, but my own man--free to date any wo I wanted Maybe I’d try that for a while

Chapter 9

Nolan

It was al break, and I hadn’t heard from Reed indealer al I was a shell of ht that passed, and I didn’t hear froht that a piece of , and I had skipped a lot oftwo Cs, which I kneas going to screw me as far as et myself to care

Sienna had taken it upon herself toonme out until she had proof that I was showered and dressed But I often just undressed as soon as she left, or just bailed in thein with the crowd of slackers that sat in the back rows I co assignrades mostly

While Sienna was on acadereed to be on social duty, codor I alent, but I usually just sat at souys who hit on her at the bar

Gavin still stopped by to check onme that I had options But the more he reminded me, the enuine any ht with Sarah and watched how he danced with a few of the other girls I was just a challenge to him, and he had ruined , and he was co me out I think what hurt the h my mind that I just didn’t know the answers to: Was Reed nant? Was he upset about losing the baby? Was he relieved that he didn’t have to be a father now? Was he dating someone else…or lots of someones?

To make matters worse, when I was able to fall asleep, I usually awoke a few hours later with htmare They weren’t always about Reed, but the ones that were made me cry I had started to relive the accident, it seemed Only, in my dreams, Reed never made it out of the Jeep Sometimes it would explode, other ti wheel cutting through hi for breath

I shared ested I make an appointht of opening up about everything I’d been through to a stranger just terrified me And there were people out there who had real probleer than mine No, the counselors were for those people ere dealing with things like a death in the fairls who got knocked up, and then cheated on their boyfriend

I hadn’t heard from Sean or Becky in a while, so when they called me the weekend before the break, I was a little surprised

"Hey, Noles," Sean was chipper It was strange, especially since I had convinced myself that he hated me by this point