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"Wait," I said "I thought we could just do the paperwork"

The wolasses in a manner that made me feel like I was nine years old "Miss, the cere, and in the state of Florida, a cereal, and since you checked the box that you’d like to file the license today…shall I continue?"

"Yeah," I said

Tanner grabbedto feel like he had to reassure o through things that required it I nodded and the woht, the ceremony was short Just under a minute

"Do you take Tanner to be your lawfully wedded husband…" They weren’t romantic words, but nonetheless they were promises Promises spoken out loud in front of the clerk and whatever GodI robotically recitedto Tanner with each false promise I spoke In order to push down the need to flee, anddown the courthouse steps, I i set Building her a treehouse Running through the sprinklers with her Then the picture shifted, and I was exactly where I was standing, in the courthouse reciting vows, but only it wasn’t Tanner I wasAnd they weren’t lies at all, they were real My heart soared and I s in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, until the end of our days

When the officiant said "Youin, before I ca ht the edge of my mouth When he pulled back, despiteas if I really was his wife

Then it hit me

I really was

I must have looked like I was about to have the stroke I was almost positive was about to happen, because the officiant kept asking ht?" I nodded and se Tanner paid the forty-two dollar fee for the license and filing I didn’t speak again I couldn’t Because if I’d answered her question, if I’d opened my mouth to speak at all, I was afraid the truth would have co out of my mouth So, I kept quiet and Tanner and I walked in silence fro the entire drive hoood-bye when he’d dropped me off at my house

I didn’t speak again until I was alone on my bed in a room I didn’t remember, in a life I didn’t want, in a family that was built on a foundation of lies I rolled over and pressed my face into the pillow

And just likeday

Chapter Eighteen

Doe

I’d thrown up three ti to expel whatever contents remained in my sto was a full body rejection of my current circu held in the Tanner family’s backyard, and it was the last place I wanted to be

The senator was in his ele the nauest at the party as if he were a best friends to every person in attendance The Olylass to create the illusion of walking on water

How appropriate, I thought as I saw my father cross over the pool

Myvarying shades of the same style sundress and the same chunky jewelry and French twist hairstyle They weren’t doing half as good of a job pretending to be sober as she was And asevery bit the practiced and perfected politician I was learning that my mother was every bit as equally practiced in the art of public intoxication

My ninth birthday My ht blue dress and gold heels She has a glass of wine in one hand and knocks over a table full of ifts in front of my friends from school Nadine cuts my cake and my mother tells everyone that we shouldn’t eat cake at all because it is high in calories and will make our asses fat and lass and the rab her by the elbow to save her fro into the pool when her heel catches on the pavelass "I saved it!" she shouts, holding it up to our little group like it’s a trophy "Totally saved it," she says again, before walking back into the house without another word