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"I don’t want to hurt you, Tanner But I don’t need to defend o froo" He ran his hand over his open mouth and then his jaw "You ith someone else"

"It’s not like I wanted to want hi to preserve , for the person I was before I lostand I, we grew close And after a while I was so tired of fighting it Tired of putting the life I could have on hold for a life I knew nothing about So I let hiht back memories that caused tears to prickle in the back of h Any of it I won’t And it doesn’t matter what you say, because you can’t make me"

"Jesus Christ, Ray He’s like thirty, and you’re just a teenager! On top of that, you’re the only girl I’ve ever been with, and the last ti here telling me that you let him…" He took a step toward theseat and bent over, leaning his hands against it for support "You let him…touch you" He finished in a much calmer tone of voice than he’d started

A lu back the tears "Don’t you dare judge me I can be sympathetic to you because I kno it feels to be confused and overwhele the fact that I don’t know you" I stared hiround I was not about to let hi

Tanner threw his hands in the air "Well, that makes two of us The Ray I knew never once raised her voice, never yelled, never swore You may look like her, but you’re just an imposter" His words slappedas real as if he’d used his hand "Maybe you shouldn’t have come back after all" He said, the corner of his lip turned up in disgust

"Leave," I de toward thehe’d used to come in "Now"

Tanner stepped up on theseat and had one leg dangling off the ledge when he hesitated for a moment Slowly he turned back toward me, his watery eyes shimmered "I’m sorry I really am I just…I still love you, Ray," Tanner said softly

I was still in defenseout at me was because he really was heart broken I couldn’t let hi "I can’t tell you the sa for you, before all this It’s the only reason I can think of that your eyes were the only thing I recognize in all this That’s got to ht?" I offered Tanner smiled a small sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes "I even sketched theht bring him some sort of comfort

"Do you love him?" he asked with sadness in his voice "Tell me the truth, Ray I can handle it" I didn’t believe that for one second I searched my brain and my heart for the answer, one that despite all the bullshit, all the lies, all the , I’d never doubted

"Yes," I answered sied He turned and leapt from theonto a nearby tree branch By the ti leaves off of his pants He looked back up to h he kneho you were but didn’t tell you? Even though he used you in order to get his own daughter back? You still love him despite all that?" He whisper shouted his question

I tried to explain s to him the best I could, "You can be pissed off and still love someone at the same time," I said

Tanner walked across the lawn but before he disappeared into the dark shadows I heard him mutter, "I can relate"

Chapter Five

Doe

I spent the next three days inout of bed for a quick shower and change of clothes But I didn’t sleep I couldn’t sleep with the exception of a cat nap here and there when ued that it was tired while the rest of ht when I awoke from such a nap and found myself in pitch blackness The panic started to set in I tried to take a deep breath but I couldn’t pull in air I fumbled for the remote, but when I found it and pressed every button on it, nothing happened Willing ht source I felt around on the wall beside the bed for a switch but couldn’t find one Finally, I ran over to theand pushed back the curtains, hoping the light froh to allow me to catchlow in the air, ru the floor underneathto die from sheer panic