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My silence persists, broken only by steady bites of fish They’re watching me closely, as instructed Mo The boys are gone, still at Shade’s bedside Likeup for lost tiet here?" The words stick in my mouth, but I force them out Better I ask the questions before they start in on e He chuckles at his joke, pleased with hies hiue in exasperation "You knohat sheback another spoonful "Two days ago, round ht, Shade popped up on the porch Ihis fingers "You know about that, don’t you?"

"I do"

"Near gave us all a heart attack, ith the popping and hiine," I ain I thought us both dead, in some place far beyond this madness But like --else to survive

Dad continues, on a roll now, literally His chair rocks back and forth on squeaky wheels, estures "Well, after your ot down to it Started throwing stuff in a bag, useless stuff The porch flag, the pictures, your letter box Didn’tof a son coht now, I could tell he wasn’t joking So we did"

"What about the curfew?" The Measures are still sharp in et them, when I was forced to announce them myself? "You could’ve been killed!"

"We had Shade and hishis" Dad struggles for the right word, gesturing again

Gisa rolls her eyes, bored with our father’s antics "He calls it ju, remember?"

"That’s it" He nods "Shade jumped us past the patrols and into the woods Froo’s still allowed to travel at night, you see, so we ended up sitting in a crate of apples for who kno long"

Moles a little Dad ale is Moh-heood, and it’s the Barrows at dinner It’s hoain, and I’ and s so I don’t have to speak, letting me eat in quiet peace She even chases away the stares of the s lare I know firsthand Gisa plays her part too, distracting Kilorn with news of the Stilts He listens intently, and she bites her lip, pleased by his attention I guess her little crush hasn’t gone away just yet That leaves only Dad, glopping through his second bowl of porridge with abandon He stares at li, a proud soldier, a person I barely remember, so far from what he is now But like me, like Shade, like the Guard, Dad is not the ruined, foolish thing he see contraption in his chest, he’s still seenand lung only three e, after near twenty years of conscription How many make it that far?

We seem weak because ant to Perhaps those are not Shade’s words at all, but our father’s Though I’ve only just co his since he caht, half-hidden in dreams I knohat it is to kill soe, it’s the food that re itself My last meal was at his side, in his father’s palace We drank frolasses and my fork had a pearl handle We were surrounded by servants, but still very ht to co I wouldn’t lose th in that moment

I believed he had chosen me, andI believed in what he could help us do