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Nicole lay on top of the covers Soed into different sweat pants and a new T-shirt Thick socks covered her feet The color had returned to her face

"I’m fine," her sister said

"Good"

Claire set down the tray "This is the last of the takeout I’ll get so?" Nicole asked

"Uh, no I was thinking , which left Claire feeling as if she’d failed again She didn’t kno to cook When was she supposed to find the tiize to anyone for her life, but couldn’t shake the feeling that she was once again being judged and found wanting

Nicole slid the tray onto her lap, then looked up "Thank you for helping out in the bakery this erly "I couldn’t believe howwent so fast It was difficult to figure out how to use the cash register, but by the end of the "

She’d coh and that hat e er

"I heard you had so more curious than concerned "Are you onShe forced herself to continue to stand there "I had a panic attack, but I worked through it"

"Don’t expect an award for showing up," Nicole muttered

Claire’s embarrassment shifted to annoyance "Did I ask for an award? Did I ask for anything at all? My recollection of recent events is a phone call froand flew out the next , showed up here to do exactly that--take care of you I’ve brought you meals and snacks, helped you to the bathroom, carried in whatever you’ve asked for, helped out at the bakery and in return you’re nothing butwith you?"

Nicole dropped her fork onto the tray "Wrong with me? You’re the one who totally screwed up You think I should be grateful that you brought your oh-so-special self to the peasant world for a few days? You think that ?"

"All your labels, notup, I’ve been trying to connect with you for years I send letters and e-et back to me Ever I’ve asked you to join me on tour I’ve asked to come hoo to hell"

"Why would I want to spend tiotistic, selfish,princess"

And I hate you

Nicole didn’t say those last words, but she didn’t have to

Claire stared at her sister for a long time, not sure what accusation to take on first "You don’t know me," she said in a low voice "You haven’t known me for over twenty years"

"Whose fault is that?"

"Not mine" Claire drew in a breath "I didn’t kill her We were driving together It was late and rainy and another car came out of nowhere It hit us on her side We were trapped and she was dying and there was nothing I could do"

Claire closed her eyes against the nightht, the way the rain dripped into the shattered car, the sound of her mother’s moans as she died

"I lost her, too," Claire whispered, looking at her sister "She was all I had and I lost her, too"

"Do you think I care?" Nicole yelled "I don’t She went away She went away because of you and she was all I had She left and I had to take care of everything here I elve when she left I elve when I figured out she would rather be with you than with one and I had to do everything Take care of Jesse and the house and help out at the bakery Then she was dead Do you knohat it was like after that? Do you?"

Claire remembered the funeral How she’d stood with Lisa rather than her faers to her How she’d wanted to cry, but there were no tears left

She reed to have her father say it was time for her to come home Stay home Instead Lisa had explained about Claire’s schedule and concert dates and that she was veryher life without a guardian or chaperone around Her father had agreed

Ten-year-old Jesse had been a stranger to her and Nicole had been distant and angry The way she still was

"Go back to your fancy life," her sister told her now "Go back to your stupid piano and your hotels Go back to where you don’t have to earn everything you get I don’t want you here I’ve never wanted you here Do you knohy?"

Claire stood her ground, sensing her sister had to say it and it was Claire’s job to take it all in

Nicole’s blue eyes burned hite-hot rage "Because every night after her death, I prayed God would turn back time and make it you instead of her I still wish that"

CLAIRE SAT ON THE BED in the guest room and let the tears co away nothing, sireat open wound inside of her

She’d known about Nicole’s anger and resentht her sister wished she was deadThe situation was hopeless, she thought gri No one wanted her and she had nowhere else to go

She covered her face with her hands and cried for a few more minutes, then sniffed and realized she couldn’t feel sorry for herself forever But ht would be acceptable

She stood and walked over to her suitcase A small photo album lay at the bottom She carried it back to the bed and sat down

There were only a dozen or so pictures inside, all of them taken before she’d left Seattle when she was six She and Nicole laughing She and Nicole on a pony Their identical Halloween costumes, when they’d both been Dorothy froether, sleeping, curled up like kittens

Claire touched the cold, flat surface, ree what tirabbed a box of tissues and set it by the bed, then changed into an oversize T-shirt she’d bought in London--one with a huge head shot of Prince William on the front--and crawled into bed She knew she wouldn’t sleep, but curling up wouldeasier

She flipped channels on the small television on the dresser As the pictures flashed in front of her, she wondered if she and Nicole could ever make peace with the past and each other, or were they forever destined to be strangers She wasn’t going to give up but she was also only half the equation

And what about Jesse? Claire thought about their conversation fro How could Jesse have violated Nicole’s trust like that? Had she really slept with Drew? Could it have been ato be a nearly iress herself Honestly, her personal life sure put her professional troubles in perspective

Claire’s eyes closed She felt herself drifting off and welcomed the escape of sleep What seeh it could have been a couple of hours--she heard a creak on the stairs She stirred and heard it again