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The phones of Beau and Zack went off every half hour Their wives, de updates, sick orry for Eliza Caleb, the only DSS member to remain behind, had also been a constant caller, his furious voice audible in the quiet waiting rooeon came out and told them that Eliza hadn’t made it That they’d been unable to save her He wouldn’t survive it He wouldn’t want to survive it
She was his Had been his since that very first day He should have staked his claied to him It had been obvious to everyone else, but Eliza had closed herself off to the possibility of any sort of relationship and had been oblivious Well htened her, had shaken her routine every bit as much as she’d shaken his, and he should have pressed his advantage instead of backing off the way he’d done and waiting Watching, protecting from a distance
After her abduction and torture, he should have moved in and taken over He hadn’t He’d been furious when she had declared she was in on the mission to take down the sick bastards who’d caused so e to the DSS wives--and to Eliza But he hadn’t shut her down as he should have And then, when she’d damn near been killed in that op and he’d taken the bullet meant for her, the one that would have killed her, he sure as hell should have ht
None of this would have happened if he hadn’t been soafraid He closed his eyes as the painful admission settled over him She scared him to death She made him vulnerable Because for the first ti to him, and the risks she took terrified him More than that, however, she scared him merely for the depth of what she made him feel, and he’d been determined to maintain careful distance so that when he did make his move, it would be on his terms So he wouldn’t have been so vulnerable or need her as much as he did
What a fool he’d been Stupid, stupid, stupid By denying the depth of his caring, his love for her, he’d denied her the protection she’d so desperately needed The support, both physical and emotional She wouldn’t have ever left to face Thomas alone That wouldn’t have even been an option because Wade would have been there Every godda, unlike her tea from the trauma she’d experienced
If Dane hadn’t called him, would Wade have even knohat Eliza was up to until it was too late? Would he have received the news after the fact like her team would have? That she died alone, no backup, no protection, no one to stand for her and all because she was desperately trying to protect the people she loved--including him?
He hadn’t seen it then, but God, he saw it now He’d been so blind, so determined that he’d have Eliza on his ters he felt reflected in her eyes, the same fears he felt, the same vulnerability He’d scared her every bit as h to distance--or try to distance--herself from Wade so Tho," Dane’s quiet voice sounded next to hi that perhaps the doctor had coht and self-recri room was as it had been for the last hours, only now Dane stood at his side, the first time anyone had approached him
"You can’t do this to yourself, man," Dane said in a low tone, meant only to be heard by Wade "You can’t tear yourself apart and blahter She won’t go down easy She knows Tho after her or the people she cares about"
"She took A bullet For hter
He wanted to tear the waiting room apart Wanted to punch the walls until his hands bled Anything to release the overwhelony Such a sense of loss Like half of him had been cut away, like he’d lost the other half of his soul
"I know she did," Dane said somberly "She would have done it for anyone she cared about Hell, she would have taken it for a stranger That’s just who she is She’d likely deny that Thomas in fact made her a better person, made her into the selfless, beautiful person she is today, one who fights for justice no matter the cost But the truth is, what happened to her when she was sixteen shaped her She walked away from that life, became someone else because she refused to allow hily took the blale one of his victi to do with their deaths," Wade exploded "She had no right to carry that burden for ten goddamn years She was only sixteen Sixteen And she insists on looking at the choices and e, no one to love her, no one who cared, through the eyes of an adult, with an adult’s knowledge"
Dane nodded "You and I know that, but she doesn’t Maybe she never will Or htfully served"
"Not at the expense of her life," Wade said fiercely "I’ll never accept that she has to die in order to find peace I sure as hell won’t I’ll never know another godda she sacrificed her life for h," Dane said simply "Eliza simply doesn’t kno to quit"
But Wade could see the worry and despair, reflections of his own, in Dane’s eyes Could see it in every single one of her teaain if Eliza died
Wade turned back to the , staring blindly at the sky as the first soft light of dawn appeared on the horizon He didn’t want to face another sunrise without her He wanted her to be the last thing he sahen he went to sleep at night and the first thing he sahen he woke the next
She held his heart in the paled to her, rapped up solidly in her and he waited with growing resignation to know her--and his--fate
The sun rose steadily, dousing the waiting rooht sunshine, a direct contrast to the black stor Wade out of his o insane if so soon