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"Anyht now?" he asked, still unsure

"If that’s okay with you I don’t mean to assume"

He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands, leaning forward al him back by the arm

He puffed out a cry, and then he pulled an to sob, and I held hian to burn, but I didn’t dare move If he needed me, I would sit in that position for the rest of the day, holding hi, and he took in two deep breaths, pulling back and wiping his eyes I’d never seen hiht I left "I do love you," he said with a faltering breath "And I’ to be better I can’t lose you, too It’ll break ht already be broken"

I leaned over to kiss his cheek and then the corner of his mouth He stiffened, unsure what to do, worried to do the wrong thing I pressed ain The third ti each side of my face We hadn’t touched inand kissing, hugging and ht

Taylor held his forehead to ain cautious "Is this for now? Is it going to be different e get back to Colorado and go ho on the same proble from the tip of his nose "It will I promise"

CHAPTER TWENTY

ELLIE

I SWIPED LEFT ON MY EREADER DISPLAY, turning the page, and then adjusting h for two hours, and Gavin onto adjust after one of my boys did to make them more comfortable usually just ain For whatever reason, I thought I’d knoould make themIt was in part a control issue andto make them comfortable, when in reality if I’d just sat still, they could have done it the ideas about coping with death, helping others to cope with death, and the coies move on to the next life I wasn’t sure if that e fruit loop, but it made me feel better, and as far as I was concerned, that was my purpose--to exist and heal wounds in the healthiest way I could

I’d been grappling with finding peace in Thoer we’d been put in I tried not to think about Gavin’s picture being one in the er seat of the vehicle carrying three mafia hitmen, or that his picture had likely been spattered and stained by their blood The sa through veins of a man as once a boy; whose only difference from me was a series of bad choices, spurned by childhood experiences marred by his parents’ bad choices: a cycle that was never broken

My heart ached for the ht, and that was unnerving as well I’d given up anger, and with that release, I found myself without the tool I needed to hate I could hate the adults as children and studying the origin of their actions I’d never considered that in le with having expected emotions that would have come so easily to me a decade earlier