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"Honestly, I don’t knohat to fking think"
Connor speaks before Lo can blow up "We can squash this really easily We haven’t seen you sick these past couple weeks All you have to do is show us your pills so we know that you’re taking the body, Connor," Loren sneers "This doesn’t affect anyone in the room but me and maybe Lil I don’t have to tell you shit" He stands like he’s ready to leave, and Lily’s face falls in confusion
I a so clueless! I tear through Connor’s hold on me, and I sidestep to block Loren’s body fro my hands to either frame "Your addiction affects everyone in this room If you can’t see that--"
"I see just fine," he interrupts, his voice carrying an edge that sharpens with each word His cheekbones are so severe, his features beautiful and terrifying all at once
"Don’t be an idiot"
Lo lets out a short, bitter laugh "That’s so fking easy for you, isn’t it?" he says withsmart Miss Perfect What do you have to worry about? Does ood today? Do my shoes match my dress?"
"Lo," Connor warns
But this doesn’t stop hie All I see isto protect her, and he’s enabling her again Why the fk would he do that? Why is the nificant person in her life her savior and her demon?
I want to hurt him so badly He makes it way too easy to do so That’s the probleed bookshelf "Let’s see, Rose…" He grabs a hardback and carelessly flips through it before shaking the book by the spine My chest caves "How does this feel?"
Horrible
And then he opens n folders and rattles them until all the papers flutter to the floor "Stop it!" I shout, trying to collect them, every misplaced item like a knife in ht?" he says "Nothing’s fking wrong with Rose Calloway? I’ moron in your world who’s so stupid and selfish that he would drink again and again"
"No…" I say, but e the papers My hands tremble as I reach for my sketches in charcoal, some in color
More than a couple I drehen I was only a teenager
He spilt part of my childhood on the floor and scrambled the years
[ 35 ]
CONNOR COBALT
Rose is close to manic
Her eyes dance wildly over the papers in distress The last ti, shouting things that odda Lily cheat in Princeton behind her back and bla different
Because it’s Loren Hale No matter if he curses us both to hell, I can practically taste his pain that throttles his body He says cruel things in hopes that we’ll say them back and hit him
It’s that simple
And neither Ryke nor Rose has to consult with me to learn this We all understand hiainst the fking wall for putting Rose in a state of distress, I can’t touch hi face It’s like abusing a kid that’s been shit on his whole life I’ to add to those bruises
I just need to concentrate on asps leaving her lips I bend down behind her and whisper a line of French in her ear to gauge her response She hardly pays attention, shuffling hurriedly through papers, accidentally serprints stain another
She pauses in a horrific daze, and for a split second, rab her around the waist fro fro out to try to reach theh-pitched wail that rips out rip her wrists in front of her body, about to whisper to her again, but Lo interjects
"It took you twenty-three goddainity" He pulls at another loose thread, this tiuy that’s just fking you for your last name"
"LOREN!" I shout My face pue I don’t think Lo has ever seen me this upset I want to kick hio after Lily the way he’s going after Rose She ility And he’s purposefully breaking her
His face iuilt His y won’t be on the other end I can’t have hiirlfriend anymore today She can’t handle it
I cut in, "Don’t" The word is controlled and powerful enough to quiet the room "Give me a minute" I pick up Rose around the waist while she breathes heavily, no longer fighting s a little loose like they’re going to give out on him Ryke tries to talk to his brother, but Lo just shakes his head and stares out theI look for Lily, but she stays seated on the edge of the bed, rooted there with a faraway gaze
I set Rose by a vanity in our roo her hot, stray tears I hold her face between my hands while I bend in front of her, eye level
She raises a shaking hand to ive me a minute
I take her hand and tenderly kiss each one of her fingers Her eyes finally focus on rips the sleeve of my shirt I slide on the bench next to her, and she tries to hide behind my body so no one sees her splotchy face
"It’s already past," I tell her in a breathless whisper,the black mascara beneath her eyes
She once told me that as a child, she would lock herself in her closet after she fought with her s Like her schedule for the day, being forced on a date with a boy she found repulsive, being rab an old fur coat and screa the noises in the clothes She made sure to have her mental breakdowns in private Even in her madness, there’s still a level of control
She takes a deep, trained breath, blowing out of her lips like she’s razes my features and says, "Thank you"
My heart beats rapidly and I fight the urge to pull her away from everyone, this situation and the worries To lock ourselves alone and find solace in silence She frightened ht I realize how easily this could have escalated How it could have gone another way What if it had? What if she writhed in my arms until her screams punctured the sky? What if I lost her to emotions so deep they’d s her whole?