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I don’t kno long we lay there Alex was so quiet I thought she had fallen asleep But then she shifted in the bed Propping her head on her elbow, she gazed up atyou’ve never told anyone else"

Scowling down at her, I replied, "You can get the fuck out of here if you think I’ers behind my head "Because that ain’t me, babe That ain’t who I am or who I’ll ever be"

"Why are you so afraid to open up to so her a hard look, I said, "If you don’t stop the emotional bullshit, I’m out of here I swear you’re theand acting stupid?"

"After the initial buzz, alcohol usually ht we could talk a little I mean, I’m here every day, but I barely know you"

"And I’d like to keep it that way"

Both fury and hurt flashed in her dark eyes "You’re such an asshole"

"It’ll do you so that," I replied

"Fine You knohat? I’ll share so first to establish trust"

"You can talk until you’re blue in the face, but it ain’t going to get me to tell you shit"

"You wanna knohy I decided to beco nant by my boyfriend"

My eyes widened, and I stared open- I expected to coot knocked up?" When she nodded, I couldn’t help but ask, "But I thought you said you didn’t have a kid You give it up or soonized whisper

The electricity in the roo on the e to Alex about this, I ht as well take her hand and watch the two of us juh, I don’t knohy I wanted her to continue the story Cupping her chin, I tilted her face to look at nant I didn’t tell my boyfriend, and I didn’t tellwhen I found out" She shuddered "I was scared So fucking scared Fronancy test, it shatteredI said or did from that moment on was someone else I’d always loved babies I volunteered in the church nursery and babysat for everyone on my street But in that lanced up at e my response--her eyes weary like a battle-worn soldier

"Did you have an abortion?"

A h escaped her lips "Go to a clinic and have so like that" She shook her head "I did solanced back at me, her dark eyes almost soulless "I killed my baby"

I sucked in a breath of shock at her ad rehearsals atlifts with our h one where I was practically over his head And when the idea ca down on me, I didn’t even take a moment to try to talk ed breath, her eyes staring pastinto the past

"You would think it would have to be so pretty momentous to rip a life fro, one ain And even as I started to fall, it still wasn’t too late I could’ve changed my mind, twisted my body to where I could’ve fallen on my back But no I made sure I came down as hard as I could on ain experiencing the physical pain along with her emotional tor and wheezing for breath Everyone caht When I could finally breathe again, I felt sick at what I had done, so I excusedI waited for soht, I put my hand overhappened The most absolute acceptance and love for ht ready to tell "

Tears shi it "I woke up in a pool of blood When I screa I pretended that I had screafor ain She stripped me down like a child and put me into the shower While I washed the innocent blood of ed the sheets If she suspected anything, she never said She just called in to work and stayed in bed withme the comfort I so desperately needed"

"Jesus," I muttered, unsure of what the hell to say to such a story Part of et the hell out of there--put as much distance as possible betweenin that rooun

"A year later, on the very same day I killed my baby, my parents were killed Sometimes I think it was a punishment for what I did--a kariven, so I had soaped open that she could honestly believe that For a , but then I re shit like that" When Alex didn’t look atthe softness of her skin "Did you hearto do with the baby Bad shit happens all the ti I said "After they died, I changed my major to education Not only was it to honor their ht if I could love children, I could somehow repent for what I did"