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I try to lift ainst the scruffy carpet

"Niklas is all that you have, the only fa to have so"

The roo over with…I’ atbut it soundsnow Just the ceiling Thousands of minuscule holes open up to me frole one of theh above That warmth What is that warmth I feel all around me like a blanket?

"Sarai?" I hear a voice say, but whose voice it is I can’t tell

All I see is blackness I try to lift ain and a shot of pain radiates throughlifted into the air I try to cry out, but I don’t think anyone can actually hear my voice

I try to cry out…

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

I feel like I’ve been dreaes and voices all around es, they’re what tells me that it’s not real because everyone I see are already dead Javier Izel Lydia Samantha My mother They walk by me in a sort of quiet, contemplative state as if I’m not even here I can almost touch

But the dreae, unfa more distinct I feel like I’otten that it controlsNot my eyes oron my own But mostly what I think about are the voices, how clearer they’re beco as hard as I can so that I can focus on their words, but I never get further than the sound

At least not until I hear Victor’s voice in the distance

"I won’t be here long today," I hear him say to someone

I try to wake up, but I think the effort has the opposite effect because in an instant I’m consumed by blackness and all of the voices disappear

More time passes More dreams More voices

And then just like that as if a switched had been flipped inin a hospital bed

Victor is sitting next to me in a chair

"You’re awake," he says and s have I not been?" I’ether

"Three days," he says "But you’re going to be fine They kept you sedated most of the time you’ve been here"

I try to raise my back from the pillow, but the pain in my stomach is too much I wince and my hands come up to put pressure on the area, but Victor takesaround yet," he says and stands up He takes the extra pillow from a nearby chair and positions it underneath the back of my head Then he pushes a button on the side of the bed to raise it to allowthe top of my hand, plastered to my skin hite tape It itches like an," Victor says as he sits back down in the chair "You were lucky"

Niklas’ face flashes in my mind

"Or your brother is just a bad shot"

I look down aton the bed at my sides I want to knohat happened to Niklas and I feel like I should hope that he’s dead, but I can’t

"Is he--?"

"No," Victor says "Half of me wanted to kill him, but the other half couldn’t do it I just wonder which half would’ve won if you hadn’t been alive in that moment"

I reach across the bed a few inches with ers witha faint sh to the surface of my face "I couldn’t live with myself if I had been the reason you killed your brother I-I never should’ve co, Victor I a that no one else could," he says and I eagerly wait for him to tell me what that could possibly be "You made me remember that I have a brother, Sarai He and I have practically sat side by side at a table as strangers for the past twenty-four years And I see now that despite his faults, he has never once betrayed aze veers off

Then he looks back at me

"In a sense he did betray oes on "He betrayed et to you Yes, that is a betrayal But it’s a very different kind of betrayal"

"I know," I say "Look at ardless of what he did toand I don’t ever want you think I’ll feel differently"

He doesn’t speak, but I know that look on his face, it’s the conflict that’s always there I wonder if he’ll ever be rid of it

Then he says, "But you did so else that no one else ever could" His features soften and"You made me feel real emotions You unlocked ers, es all too fast

"Niklas will never hurt you again," he says "He gave me his word And besides, he knows that if he ever tries that I won’t hesitate to kill him the next time"

Then suddenly he adds, "You’re just as important to me as he is"