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I pass hiuts to rip it open, and at the sarateful that he’s there beside me He holds the envelope in a handkerchief, then uses a small pocketknife from his keychain to open it He pushes the envelope at opposite corners so that the slit gapes open, then starts to peer inside

"No," I say firht, and I expect him to say no But then he nods I move to stand beside hi the contents onto the polished surface

Six photographs Me in kindergarten Me in a tiara at lets Me, raph, my face has been crossed out with a red pen pushed so hard into the photographic paper that the eed red x’s where my face should be There is one piece of paper mixed in with the photos Block letters cut like a cliché from newspapers and pasted on the sheet: YOU DON’T EVEN EXIST

I stare at it all, surprised that the roo, because this is so very wrong But the world is as silent as death Hell, the world looks like death No noise No color No light

It’s all gray Even those red x’s have faded to gray And the gray roo to black A cloudy, inky black that surroundsme down, down, down

Nikki!

Nikki!

I feel a sharp sting across my cheek "Nikki!"

"Damien" It’s my voice, but it sounds horribly far away I lift h he sounds more worried than sorry "You fainted"

"I--what?" I sit up, groggy, and realize that somehow I’ve ended up on the love seat I focus on Damien "Fainted?"

I haven’t fainted in years Not since I was accidentally locked in a storage closet during college Dark enclosed spaces have always freaked me out, and I’d passed out But never have I simply slipped into a faint like this

"You had reason," Da my face

Those photos My photos

I shiver Whoever did this is in eting me And if I don’t exist, then what the hell does that say about their endgaun beat of hs My skirt is hitched up a bit, and I clutch tight to the bare skin abovethe pain to help pull