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I closedas another wave of sadness rushed over me The pain was so bad that I wanted to double up, wail and scream - but none of that happened Instead, a silent tear rolled downas it fell down to the pillow I didn’t even have the energy to wipe it

"Maisie? Sweetheart, are you awake for real this ti toas he spoke Nuistered I closedwould just disappear I couldn’t speak to anyone right now; if I did I wasn’t sure ould come out of my mouth Maybe it would just be a banshee like scream that lasted forever

A hand stroked the hair back fro either through e out all of those awful things about him before that, all of it had just left me broken My vision swam before my eyes as more tears pooled there I felt like I was stuck in some sort of snowstorain, I had that notion of free falling, like I was hurtling towards the earth with no control and nothing to grab on to Luke was one So this tiround – actually, it felt as if I already had It felt like I’d crashed down to earth at full speed, s in my wake, a fall that was sure to kill me Only it hadn’t And I hated that I was alive I hated that Luke was gone and that I was going to have to deal with this all alone For so long I’d had him to lean on, I wasn’t sure I could cope without hi to comfort me I hated that all I wanted to do was scream, but I seeetting soup at him properly for the first time Worry lined his forehead and reen eyes He looked like he’d aged ten years since I last saw him He smiled sympathetically as his thumb rhythmically brushed across et o to sleep when I was a small child "What can I do? Are you in pain? Want a doctor?" he asked His voice was so stressed that before this happened I would have felt awful for putting hione I couldn’t feel anything

Using the all ofover so that ing sensation in the back of my hand from the drip that I had inserted I honestly couldn’t care less if it came free or not I pulled the sheets up toat the black sky out of theas I cried silently, soaking my pilloithin seconds

Dad sat on the bed behind htly for comfort "I’m so sorry, Maisie I wish I could stop this, I wish I could help you, but I just don’t kno," he uy I know you loved him I’m sorry he died, I’h this, I prohts wandered to the last conversation Luke and I had My memories of him were now tarnished, now a little dirty and ruined because I’d found out the real his, the one that had actually committed murder The pain seerieve properly for my boyfriend because all that I could think about was the fact that he wasn’t the person I thought he was I hated hi therieved for the future with him that I’d lost

Soistered Luke was a good guy? Did he really say that? Did he not know that Luke had driven us off of the bridge on purpose, that he had killed Sandy because she was threatening to tell s that had happened?

In a way I envied my dad I wished I didn’t know about this part of Luke either I wished that I still thought he was a good guy instead of the new things I’d learnt about hih too And I was the one that was going to have to deliver the bloas the one that was going to have to tell everyone what Luke was really like It wasto devastate his parents and friends by telling the to have to tell his mom that her son was a murderer I had no idea hoas supposed to do that How could I shatter the illusions of everyone and hed and bent down, kissingaway my tears "I’ my eyes "Do his parents know that he… he…" I sed, unable to say the words "Luke’s housekeeper will kno to get hold of the to talk but knowing that I needed to

"Yeah They flew in yesterdayThey came by to see you earlier but you were still unconscious"

They flew in yesterday ht Or did it? "How long was I asleep for?" I asked, confused

"Two and a half days We orried that you’d never wake up Your mom’s been a mess; I swear I’ve never seen her like this at all She’s usually so strong in hospitals but not this tiet him to leave He sat by your bed the whole ti" His tone was light, as if he was trying to an left you some stuff for when you woke up" He shifted on the bed and

My chin tree to break down I didn’t want to be sedated again in case the night enough to see as inside Dad sat back down next to me and draped his arm across my shoulder supportively as he leant in and pressed his forehead to my temple "You don’t have to look now if you don’t want to Mrs Hannigan just wanted you to have these because she kne close you tere," he said soothingly

I nodded, trying to breathe nor as I reached into the bag, pulling out three things The first was his football lettered jacket He didn’t wear it very often; I had probably worn it more tih, and a strangled whimper left my lips as I held the soft material up to my nose and inhaled deeply I knew then and there that I would never get over hi inside, a broken part that would never heal

A sparkle of light caughtthat one of the other itenised it ih the blurriness of my eyes where they were filled with tears, but I didn’t need to look to knoas the photo of us at the dance It was Luke’s favourite picture and the one he had by his bed He even had a sed the photo to my chest as I picked up the last item It was a small envelope with purple flowers in one corner My nanise I looked up atto open it in front of him For some reason I needed to do this in private, but I couldn’t even explain why My dad hadn’t s He s my matted hair over my shoulder

"Think I can have so he wouldn’t put up a fight He didn’t He just nodded, kissedout of the roo shut behind hi was pretty, curly, and definitely fe it open and pulling out the single sheet ofpaper I held my breath as I read the words

Maisie,

I hope this letter finds you well We did try to visit, but you were sleeping

I’ve given you a couple of Luke’s things He loved you so very much, and I knoould have wanted you to have them

I missed so much of Luke’s life, I was barely around for him, and even when I was here I was too busy to spend time with him I barely even knew him and what he liked and disliked Had I known that the tis differently and spent ot the chance to tell hiot to watch hiot to see him dressed up in a tux to take you to the dance in this photo I was too busy to do those things, and for that I will never forgive myself I was a terrible mother to him, as you probably noticed, but I loved hi Luke so happy If there was one thing I was sure of with Luke, it was that he was desperately in love with you He told me several tiether forever Had this terrible accident not happened I have no doubt in my mind that he would have been a fine otten randmother several times over I ith all of my heart that could still happen

I knoasn’t there for Luke in his life, but if you let me, I would very ht now, so if you need to talk or even want to coh Luke’s possessions then you’re very welcoet to know h you and your memories of him I know this is a lot to ask of you, and I do not deserve it, but if you could find it in your heart, I would be rateful