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Shit was fucked up in high school We had the nore bullshit But then we had the band Guy, Hope, Chase, and I We formed the band and it helped fill some hole for each of us But it also added a lot of stress and responsibility that eren’t ready for And Hope… God, Hope had issues Has She has issues I was a coward I didn’t kno to help her, and I felt special that I knew so nobody else knew about her It was our secret So I did nothing to help her, and that here I fucked up One of ht Guy would never forgive me when he found out I kept her secret And in a way, he never really has Not fully, anyway But I haven’t forgiven hi her other secret He’s my best friend too, but he didn’t tell me about Mason Sos o, I ca for the suood on all my exams I had decided to celebrate As usual, I went too far I was shitfaced beyond belief when I ca missed her so bad and I wanted to tell her what she did to ht up when I thought of her, but now all I associate her with is loss and failure My loss My failure I wanted her to understand that I didn’t love her anymore Not like I did But I missed her and e used to have

I just wanted to feel again

Guy doesn’t do confrontation, and he doesn’t get physical, but that night, he had round After he priedthat he’d held in all the years we’d been friends, he let it all out

I listened to him tell me what a shit friend I was What a shit boyfriend I’d been to Hope What a loser I was And then he really went for est fuck up of ht I al my shit The next day, Iout of my bad memories When I pull into the diner’s lot, Guy looks over at rind out

"I didn’t say a word"

"You were going to"

He opens the door and starts for the restaurant I sigh and follow If he starts hisaround The dude lives for this That andthat e

That girl, Hope, she wasShe wasn’t ready and I never pushed her I was content to wait until she was ready She never was Not with me She met someone that made her--makes her--happier than I ever could Someone that took--takes care of her better than I did

I thought if I waited, she would come back She didn’t It wasn’t until ale in another state--with the guy she left me for--and I came here, that I finally realized it was definitely over I went a little nuts I started drinking worse than I ever did in high school and I started fucking h the female population

The past year is a blur of physical release and e the way, little pieces of who I used to be are spread like breadcrumbs, but I don’t think I’ll ever find my way back

Guy attempted to set me up several times, but after Hope, I haven’t ever wanted a serious relationship again That’s laughable, because ere never serious She didn’t want to label us, which ht she was mine, but she didn’t want to be tied to ave irl just for her to rip it out of ain Foolidiot who deserves what I get

"Guy!" Lucy calls excitedly She rushes over to give hi She tucks a loose strand of hair behind the ear with all the piercings and smiles "Hey Park"

I nod and walk past her to ot uess it’d be rude to sit here with him and read anyway

I wait for him to join me, but he has his head bent toward Lucy in private conversation She’s nodding and he’s s I don’t knohy it irritatessoood, but I read it four times before Guy slides in across from me

"She is so sweet," he statesyou a milk"

I look at the , but all I see is ht now--then I see her gliding toward lass in front of me "I wanted Coke," I say curtly

"Oh," she says, her brows drawing together "Okay Sorry I’ll take this back" She gives Guy his ice tea and he shrugs That fucking pisses me off

"Don’t do that," I spit

He narrows his eyes at ize for ht as well have said: ‘Sorry, Lucy, I don’t have a clue why he’s such a dick’"

He sighs "Well, so what I said, he adds, "Why are you such a dick?"

I grin tightly "Guess I’m just special that way"

"If you’re mad at me that’s fine, `cause I’m not real happy with you, either, but don’t take it out on Lulu She doesn’t deserve your shit"

My head gets light as all the blood rushes there "She doesn’t deserve my shit, or I don’t deserve her? Come on, Guy, say what you really lass down so calood woood person You’ve just buried hi hihtened out before you get involved with any girl If you don’t, you’ll wind up taking her doith you Do you want to do that to Lucy?"

This is usually where I walk away, but I’ tired "This is it," I say fired This is who I aed, but this isn’t who you are"