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I feel dizzy,as I stop abruptly with h the status updates People living their lives

I feel so alone

Somewhere in the back of s, but I don’t want to hurt hio back to Ohio He’ll think this is his fault Really, I’m just weak Always have been

I wonder if he realizes our anniversary is co up A year

My throat feels like there’s a chunk of soed there I can’t s it down I can’t breathe around it

A year

My forehead is damp with a sheen of sweat Panic rolls underA really great big accomplishment I should be happy Proud even But all I can think about is how I’ve taken a year of Mason’s life away from him Consumed a year with all my crazy And I’et better?

I shove away from the desk and look for my phone and keys I need to see him I need him to hold me and tell h That he can be happy with me That he is happy

Where the hell are ainst wood sending a rush through htstand To where my new razors hide in the dark Behind lotion and pens, notebooks and Aspirin, lies a s away

The pain Thewith every beat of h I need hiht now I just don’t know if I should put that on hi’s shifted in the past couple weeks I don’t knohat it is, but Hope is different She doesn’t smile as often I can’t reh leave her lips Has it been since we’ve been here? I don’t know

She says everything’s okay She insists she’s happy I want to believe her, but I have this sickening feeling in ut

We’ve seen each other exactly twice this week Once for lunch on Monday, and again on Thursday when she ca

We’ve only made love twice since we moved here And conversation is al issue to anybody else, I es She lives in her ca her ass to keep up with her work load I spend et that

But going frohow I feel, I can’t understand how she says everything’s fine

It’s not fine fordistant

I can’t take it

I insisted on ht she’d spend half her tiht is a new excuse Too iti she hasn’t been able to find time for me in the month we’ve been here

Iis for her to sleep in hts a week

Is it really unreasonable?

I lean against the wall across from her afternoon class My plan is to kidnap her As soon as she steps out of that roo her back tomiss her that much

The door opens and students pour out I stand up straight and wait She’s looking down at her phone, her fingers tapping out a text, and she doesn’t notice ht in front of her

"Hey What’re you doing here?"

I grin at her, trying to pretend I haven’t been worried about her and our relationship "I caht I could make you dinner"

She tucks her phone in her back pocket and looks up atI have a paper to write"

"Work on it at my place I’ll help you with it"

I take her hand and start walking down the hall "I don’t want you to help ht," I say slowly "I’ll keep my mouth shut and just watch you work You’re sexy as hell when you concentrate"

Hope pulls back, stopping in the middle of the hallway People have to walk around us and I keep getting knocked around by book bags I reach for her and she sighs "I can’t work if you’re watching me"

My jaitches as I clench ? You don’t want to co on without me I catch up quickly and look sideways at her "I said I’d co"

"Fine"

I push through the door, holding it open for her and we o to open the car door for her, she reaches for it at the saot it," she whispers and ood

I set a plate of hohetti on the coffee table in front of Hope She sets her book aside and sits forward

"Looks good," she says "You sneak any veggies in here?" When she srin as she takes a bite "And et my plate I sit on the floor across from her and watch her swirl her fork around on her plate "Hoere classes today?" I ask It’s usually a safe subject Prettyshe ever talks about

"Okay"

Or not

I set my fork down and search her face "Hope Talk to me"

She doesn’t look up, but she slides off the couch, sitting on the floor as well "I started going to the new therapist"

"What? When?"

"Yesterday was my third visit"

Third So three weeks Pretty much the entire ti? Do you like her?"

"Him And I don’t know I don’t know if I like hi"