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"I don’t like this growing up shit"

I lean forward until my head touches his chest I love the way he sreat smell that makes me feel safe I feelup to the sound of Hope singing in the shower is the best part of my day I love the way the smell of her sha anything, but ever since she ine my life any different How did I sleep in this bed before her scent was on the sheets? Before she was curled into htly colored hair on ed to h each day without these small, yet consequential pieces of life

I rub the sleep froaze lands on the cello in the corner Every tilance at the open closet, Hope’s clothes shoved in next to liding into the roo down her back and I need to trace the trail the water’sher into bed with hs and I roll us both until I’," I say quietly

"I love your sleepy voice," she sighs Her fingers work intolove that My life is so close to perfect It’s scary as hell

I press ers across the towel She shakes her head "Don’t start" Her voice is breathless and I know she doesn’t really mean it "We’re supposed to be at the house by noon"

I smirk at her deviously "We have plenty of time"

Her hand on my chest stops my advance towards her neck "I have to make the pies" She ss and my eyes are drawn to the delicate movement of her throat I want to put ainst roan "Fine Go et home"

She pauses halfway to the closet and spins around Without warning, she pounces on ain," Hope whispers against razed a testicle I ain "That I want a piece of your pie? I think I tell you that every day" I adjust her leg,it away froht with excite widely

I love her set horip her cheeks and kiss her deeply "Our hoain "Our bed"

"Our pie?"

I laugh "No, that’s just ers, sliding theet this"

She sits up and rocery store that’s open on Thanksgiving"

"I’ it drop around her "Because I’rin at her as I trace her curves withthe to her knees, she hooks her fingers into the waist ofto have tiet home from dinner at Hope’s family’s, I try to call Mom and Kellin It’s the first holiday I’ve ever spent without the them a lot Especially my little brother

I haven’t talked to them since Kel cao after the weekend visit and Mo with my choice to stay in Ohio--that I chose Hope She isn’t able to understand how I can love soet is Hope’s self-har is such a small part of who she is But besides that, it is a sickness

I asked Mom if she would question it if I found out Hope had cancer "That’s completely different," she said

"How?" I countered "Explain to me how it’s any different"

"Because nobody asks for cancer"

"She didn’t ask to be molested! She didn’t ask for a shitty mom that didn’t take care of her! She found a way to deal with it Yes, it’s a really fucked up way, but she knows that She wants to stop"

Mom shook her head at me like she pitied her idiot son "She makes the choice to hurt herself It’s not healthy, Mace She’s going to break your heart You’re too young to deal with such big things"

"We’re going to counseling," I said "We’re getting help" We hadn’t started at the time, but I didn’t explain that We took the steps We made the appointments That’s whatthe help I should have gotten when Dad died But you didn’t think I could deal with that either" I laughed dryly "No You’re great idea was to et it," she said, cuttinghelp"

"That’s it?"

"What else do you want?" she asked incredulously

I rubbed , Mo I need"

And then I left

I didn’t even say bye to Kellin

The truth is I do need them I’ in my life So damn close to perfect

If only I could hear their voices

But the call goes to voicee I don’t even knohat to say at this point

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