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I close the door behind us as we enter my bedroo behind when I move out The mattresses look so bare without the sheets and blankets I sit down and he hands me the envelope as he sits next to ht and try to deter?"

"Yeah, I took it out of ross"

"You’re the one who had it in yourme"

"You kissed me!"

"Is that the official story you told your boyfriend?"

"It’s the truth and his name is Adam"

"Your face is wet," he says as he reaches up and brushes a drop of water from my jaw

The familiarity hich he touchesfor someone who you once knew better than yourself, all of this is ele touch The second his skin touches h me

I quickly push his hand away "Don’t do that," I whisper as I stare at the tattoos on his ar into his eyes

Most of theht forearm that wasn’t there last year I can only see half of it froin unfolding the metal clasps on the envelope and he puts his hand over mine to stop ain and he leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs "I felt really lost after you left on Friday I’ve been feeling lost for a long time I come home to visit every once in a while and you’re not there andsaint, but--"

"Chris, I’m sorry I didn’t visit Jackie on Saturday"

"No, don’t apologize for that I told her what happened and she understands"

"You told her?"

"Well, I told her I ran into you at the show, but I didn’t tell her what you told me"

"Oh, thank God"

"And I didn’t tell her you ripped my heart out"

He sits up and looksfor him to tell me he loves me His skin is so perfectly sht before ere about to kiss I wrench lint with a hint of a smile that barely curls his lips

"Claire, you don’t have to keep hiding this I’ to fix it I swear"

"You can’t This isn’t so that can be fixed the way you fixed et back what’s notabout the baby or me, but I suddenly feel the need to meditate I scoot back on the s underneath me

"Then why are you here?"

"I’m here to tell you that I want to try I talked to ood adoption lawyer"

My heart pounds wildly as I anticipate the direction this conversation is going I think I knohat he’s going to say, but what scares ht not want to hear it

"I’ve been talking to the lawyer this week and she’s been talking to the agency that handled the adoption," he continues "The guy at the agency thinks the couple who adopted our baby ree to an open adoption, since the baby’s only four months old" I can’t move or speak so he takes the envelope froether with a paperclip He sets the papers facedown on the bed and sh"

"She?" I whisper as I press ether

"Yeah, and she looks just like you"

He turns the stack of papers over and there’s a picture clipped to the front She’s lying in a crib on top of a fuzzy crea peacefully asleep and is alli on the top of her head Her top lip is s open in a silent O She’s clutching a piece of the blanket in her chubby fist the way I do when I sleep

"Abigail," I whisper as I shakeher Baby in ht I say a prayer that Baby is safe and warail is all of those things and ht be able to see her soon, but I need to know that this is what you want"

I can’t tear h will cause some kind of cosmic epiphany and I’ll suddenly knohat to do and say I o so that I wouldn’t have h to know better

She looks so peaceful Will I ruin that just by being aze away from the photo "I can’t do this without you"