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He couitar and closes the bedroom door No one else is ho errands before we ht for a birthday dinner If Jackie knehat Chris and I are doing right now she’d kill both of us Soed to keep our relationship a secret fro soesture of Chris closing the bedroom door makes me feel safe, like he knows exactly what I need He always has

I scoot back so he can sit on the edge of the bed next to uitar in his lap and struuitar by ear

"I wrote this for you It’s about the day we met It’s called ‘Sleepyhead’"

I smile as I re slept the night before, but soo downstairs and listen to hi in his tongue, the way they always does when he’s working up the nerve to perform for me He claims it’s unintentional, but it’s extres and theand sweet I’

"Feels so wrong to want this You look so broken there A flicker in the mist, as tired as the air" He looks up at aze the entire ti, except when he closes his eyes as he belts out the chorus "So frightened of the dark You’rewith the stars Put your dreams to bed, my sleepyhead"

A tear rolls down rab his face and kiss hih the tears

"Claire, why are you crying?" Adam asks as he takes the Red Vines from my hand and lays the round I scoot over to the other end of the sofa and hug htly "I’m a horrible, horrible person"

"Don’t say that"

"It’s true"

I can feel hiaze focused on the ropes of red licorice on the table They remind me of blood vessels and I think of how my mother abused her veins I think of how I nearly took a razor tothrough s that, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself they’re for the best, always seem to cut a chunk out of your heart And you know that no matter how many wonderful people and beautiful adventures you welcoain You’ll never be you again" My throat aches as I speak, but I keep going "I don’t even knoho I was before I dropped out I feel like that person wasn’t me Or maybe who I am now isn’t the real me All I know is that I became the kind of person I always swore I would never be, and froe because no a can undo what I did"

He scoots toward hter "Claire" Just the way he saysto tellI don’t want to hear I close uilt will destroy you Those plans you found the other day, the day we left to uilt"

I opentable in the corner of the room with a distant look in his eyes He rises from the sofa and wanders toward the corner where he lifts a few sets of plans off the top of the stack and slides the house plans out from the bottom He comes back to the sofa and lays the plans on the coffee table in front of us

"Myles’ faetting on with his new family, he never really supported Myles or his mom and two sisters" He flips the top sheet and a floor plan of the house is laid out before us "I’ve been designing this house for the past three years with the idea that one day I’ll be able to build it for them Maybe then I won’t feel like I took away the one shot they had at a decent future" He lets out a low laugh as he shakes his head "My dad found these plans and now he’s holding my trust fund until I turn thirty so I can’t build it He thinks it would be like aduilt He doesn’t understand that that’s exactly what this house is It’s an apology and an admission I can’t live with this anyony he’s carrying I draw in a shaky breath as he looksfor a sliver of understanding I want to tell hi He’s shared so much of himself with me He needs to know the kind of person I am He deserves to know the kind of person he fell in love with

But I can’t

I cover my face withed lies I’ve told myself for the past year have rested comfortably beneath the delicate skin of truth I can’t allow theh to the surface I can’t allow ain

I need to meditate

I stand quickly from the sofa and his eyes follow ?"

"I have to go"

He darts toward the front door and blocks it off as I reach for the doorknob "You can’t keep pushing this down or it’s going to burn you fro bet I don’t care about that Just please talk to me"

I stare at the buttons on his shirt I rarely see hies before Ime today, tomorrow, and Saturday off for my birthday I’ve never had three days off from the café Ada, but he can’t convince himself that he’s not to blauts to hiroans as I re with thatheroin in your veins You’re numb and you can’t even see it"

"I can’t believe you would even say that"

"Yes, your ic and I wish I could take your pain and make it my own, but I can’t And you have to understand that your mother loved you She wouldn’t have been so careful about keeping you safe if she didn’t love you She made a mistake, but that’s because she was sick You’re not sick, Claire You’re just heartbroken"