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But I can’t shake the nagging voice in my head that tells me Chris would think this ay too soon Why the fuck should I care what Chris would think? He’s the one who left e him to leave I kneould happen, he was the best rock-blues guitarist I’d ever known, but I guess I never really expected to be left behind So why the hell should I care what he thinks? He’s gone, probably fucking a new groupie every other night, or that Disney celebrity he was seen with three weeks ago

Ugh! I hate that I even care enough to keep track of this stuff

"Claire? Where did you go?"

Adahts and I push aside that voice inmy name

"I’m sorry," I mutter "This is why I hts ain He pats the seat the cushioned seat and I pretend not to notice that our knees are touching as I sit down

"I won’t ourmet mac if you tell me why you dropped out"

The question shouldn’t stun me, but it does It’s like a punch in the chest and I’ine why Cora would tell him I dropped out

"Did Cora tell you that?"

He shakes his head adairl like you doesn’t end up working in a s So what is it?"

I rest my arms on the breakfast bar and practically lean my face into the pot of pasta "I wish I could tell you"

"It’s easy Just ue a little and--voila!--out coic"

I push the pot away and bury my face in my arms "I wish that were true"

It’s true I really wish I could tell hi the secret alone is enough toaway atme is meditation

"Does it have to do with money?"

"No, my tuition was paid for by the State of North Carolina"

"If you tell htsville Beach," he offers, and he has my attention

I sit up and look him in the eye He nods at me as if to say, the ball’s in your court

I want to tell hiht Fao to the day I o, but I can’t Everyone thinks they’ll understand, they swear they’ll understand, but when you tell thes you’ve done they can’t help but judge you or worse pity you I don’t want anybody’s judgotten and, if I’iven

"Sorry, but that’s a trade I can’t make"

He doesn’t appear disappointed He probably anticipated this "All right How about this?" He closes his eyes as he takes a beat "If I can get you to tell o back"

I chuckle "That’s funny"

"It’s not funny I’m serious This is a serious bet I think you desperately want to go back to school and I’ to put our friendship on the line in order to see that you make it back What do you say?"

How the hell does he know so much about o back to school I was a Sociology major My dream was to become a caseworker; a better caseworker than the half-dozen I had I wanted to make sure that no kid felt the way I did, like a nuisance

I arch my eyebrow and pretend to think about it, because I know he’ll never weasel this out of ive up et to keep your secret"

"No, you have to do so you at the café"

"And you’ll never try to kill ain?"

"I can’t promise that" The sexy smile on his face makes my heart race and, for once, I’m a little worried about the security of

CORA JOHNSON CAN TAKE UP to twenty minutes to answer her front door So and other times her joints ache too much to move swiftly I have a key to her apartment--"In case I croak," she told me, when she handed it over--but I purposely leave it in a drawer in the kitchen I can’t help being a little superstitious, even though life has shown me that there is no order to the universe

I knock once h I gave Cora the plaque for her birthday, I hoped it would serve as a reminder to me every tiht years of being kicked around, I had a home and people who loved me Sometimes, I don’t knoho I miss more, Chris or his oing to be late for work I knock again and the door above my head opens I don’t look up, but I can hear Adalance at the bottom of the staircase, just to watch hiht toward et in sole hi impossibly fresh and ready to tackle a day at the beach in his gray cargo shorts and Quiksilver tank top, which shows off the definedin on Cora before I head to work"