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Concentrate on Ethan

I press roan he makes no effort to hide Relish even ainst my own In that moment, I swear if I could have pulled him inside ue along the edge of his bottom lip, then do the same to his top one I pay special attention to the corners of his mouth--God, I love how he tastes--and the perfect bow at the center of his upper lip Then, when I can’t take it anymore, I pull his lower lip between ain

Itfor, the perainst the wall, one leg wrapped around his hip as his h, his fingers stroking the sensitive flesh on the inside of my knee as he kisses me and kisses me and kisses roans, low in his throat, his fingers tightening in h to hurt, but definitely enough to ground o of me than I ale in the cool, ebony silk of his hair To tug and pull and claioes on, until my lips feel hot and swollen and achy from the pressure Until my breasts and my sex feel exactly the same way

In that one, perfectI’ve deniedI’ve told myself I don’t want and shouldn’t have

Ethan’s hand slides up, up, up e ofco back The reason I’m here, what I wanted to accomplish with this visit, the pro in to this thing between us, whatever it is And the fear that I’ so hard to pretend it doesn’t exist

But it does exist, and as it rises up inside me, I don’t kno to deal with it How to keep it at bay Not nohen the rigid control I keep on smy mouth from his, use every ounce of willpower I have to stay cal back to a tiet

"It’s okay I’ve got you, Chloe" He whispers the words in ot you Letelse Just that"

He hesitates, doesn’t move as he waits for an answer I don’t have I ache anting hiony and the ecstasy that co loved by him But at the sa It’s what I’ain, I try to separate what is from as Who I am from who I used to be I don’t know if it works, only that I want Ethan to touch ainst his chest He relaxes, tension I didn’t even knoas there slowly leaving his body as he once again strokes his fingers along oes weak and I lean ainst the wall as I allow Ethan an intiasp, arch against hier strokes its way inside my panties and down to the very heart of ly in my ear once ht be ht be perfectly coherent, but I can’t understand hiers as they slowly--oh so slowly--press into my sex

I’m wet, so wet And trembly And needy And just a little scared I’ve never let a man do this before, never opened er, I’ve never wanted to let a h to hurt me

I’entle as he is withme physically But eht-after bachelors in the world Genius Visionary Char withrab his hand, push it away, tell him I don’t want him to touch me Not that he would believe me--I don’t believelit up by his touch? His thu to do anything of the sort I’ at all unless it involves thisood," he tells me, his voice as dark and smooth and seductive as the chocolate bar I keep at the bottoencies

"You too," I er, then two, all the way inside of asp, try to hold still so I can feel every pleasurable thing he does toof their own volition now, as beyondhis hand, chasing the wicked pleasure that I can’t get away from now that he’s shown it to side the pleasure, the fear going hand in hand with the ecstasy, until I feel like any wrong ood way Not in the way I so desperately crave

And then Ethan’s dropping to his knees in front ofto do, let alone giveinside h connects to --the sao--and drapes it over his shoulder

I’m totally open to him now, totally vulnerable My cheeks fla this intimate to my body before, and I’m traumatized even as I love it Even as I cravethe release that has been just out of reach

I whi out of anization on my part All I know is that I need For this one moment, the fear has disappeared The worry, the pain, the one and my whole body, my whole consciousness and existence, has shrunk to this one moment out of ti as relentlessly as any junkie has ever chased a high

Ethan quiets ht there--at the epicenter offor one second, two Coers inside me, that’s all it takes With a shudder and a shout, I tuas Who he is Who I a this Why I care

In those moments, all I know is him All I feel is him And the warmth, the pleasure, the tenderness--absolute and indescribable--that he’s givenlasts forever--no ht wish it would As the shudders finally stop and thought returns, so do all those things I’d banished in theon the floor in front ofkisses acrossht here, in this moment To let him pet and touch and cuddle me until his heart is content…or entle kisses and an out-of-this-world orgaset the darkness that yawns inside of ht now--as the world creeps in--it’s just there, waiting to shole

I’m too raw, too open My defenses have been shattered by the pleasure Ethan broughtme even now Tears bloom in my eyes, and I close my eyes, look away, before he can see the this entleness, of care and concern, and isn’t at all what I expected of hiain, I don’t knohy I’ out as I expected Why should Ethan’s actions be any different? Unexpected tears clogto cry

Not here, not now And certainly not in front of Ethan

But somehow he sees The hand on ly "You okay?" he asks softly, standing up so his face is close to mine

I can smell myself on his lips, and for one wild second I think about leaning forward and kissing hi out not what I taste like but e taste like, together But just the idea is so strange, so appalling, so eht blue eyes of his darken and I know he’s not happy He doesn’t like the distance I’ve just put between us But how can I not distance myself when the whole house of cards I’ve spent the last five years constructing threatens to crash down around me at any second?