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If I hadn’t, she’d be dead

After the incident in May, I’d had two more episodes Two more times where she had to leave the realm of my equal and assert command over me I’d told her how to say it, what tone of voice to use

"Take your fucking hands off me, Operative Fox Stand down this instant" She cried every time she had to yell it, but at least she was alive I didn’t begrudge her the power over me It was the only way to love her and not chainwith handcuffs was bad enough

"Maybe when they’re older, dobycha Don’t th I loved about her tensed her body "Tonight, Roan It’s important"

I wanted to scream at her not to push This was one instant where I didn’t want her help I needed tiht and hope to God I had control I stupidly hoped I could wait till the twins could speak and teach them the command to stop me

That way my family became my handlers and they would all be safe frolared at her "Leave me alone Let me keep them safe the only way I kno"

Her jaw clenched

I leaned forward, encroaching on her space "Think for a moment You want s You wantthe violence of ish hair "You should know not to ask for le To see if I have the strength to sleep with you inhard "Tellyou tenderly and sweet"

Her gaze skittered froer "I don’t need to tell you what happens We both know you’re getting worse instead of getting better But…" She plucked the bedspread, eyebrows drawing together Finally she looked back intoworse don’t you think you should hold them now? In case you can’t at all?"

I hated that I’d lumped her with half a life Half a man who could fuck her but never ive her everything all while my past tried to steal her future I feared every day that she’d grow to hate s

I shook my head "No"

Zel clutched the covers "Don’t be scared You can do this" She played the card that always made me bend to her will "I trust you"

It was an aphrodisiac to s to justify that trust

"You’re destined to killa hand over my face She’d won and she knew it

She s you-- you live"

"Fine," I snapped "But be prepared to stop ht of hurting them"

She nodded "You have my word I’ll watch you like an over protective mother"

Ever so slowly, I drifted toward the two small cots I looked upon two tiny raisin-like faces One pink hat One blue

So tiny So small

Vasily and Vera

Named after my brother and hter Clara, but her face had tightened and tears glossed her eyes She said Clara was unique, and no one could live up to her naaze had come alive and she offered me the world She proposed to call them after my lost family, I had to walk out of the roo sap I wanted to buy her every fucking jewel on the planet to sho esture e, or that the tere noenty-fifth in line to an obscure royal faher in bed, watching me "Hold them They’re yours, Roan"

She could’ve fooled reen eyes like her mother, while Vasily had ice blue just like his namesake A small piece of me wrapped up in so much of Hazel

I wonder if Clara looked so tiny when she was born

My heart spasirl who I missed with every part of me

"Roan"

My eyes darted to Zel; her in bed, face strained from the delivery and what I was about to do "You won’t hurt them Believe in yourself"

But I will hurt the, too unpredictable Some days I was fine--able to containin the shoith a razor blade

I lovedto be just as perfect No matter how hard I tried, I would never fit in

"Operative Fox, you will hold your son right now," Hazel coive lared, hating her for a brief ainstreen fire "I’er iven an order and I had no choice but to

I rolled er I loved her for wanting to help, but I was pissed

How dare she break her promise? How dare she force me to do this?

That’s why I hadn’t wanted another owner Willpoas neverdestiny

I stood vibrating, loo over the cots Don’t do it

Obey Obey Obey

I can’t!

Mybut they were so tiny So vulnerable

Zel sighed heavily The bedding rustled as she ainst the pillow "I take it back, Roan Operative Fox, you no longer have to obey"

The release on e to scoop up ust of relief

I sucked in a breath "Thank you"

"I’m sorry That wasn’t fair of me But, Roan Hold your son You have to do it eventually He can’t groith a father on’t touch hi boy "You’re the one who committed to this So do it"

I didn’t want to do any of this I wanted the twins back inside Zel where they could be safe forever

"Fucking hell," I muttered