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A hand caressedonto his "No But I think in time I will be"

His face darkened "I uilty for wanting this baby with you because I feel like I’one" He dropped his hand, looking up at the ceiling "When is it okay to let her go? When will the guilt stop?"

My eyes glossed and I flopped down beside hile into his e But it’s going to take a long tiers to lock with h I wanted his arm around me But it had to do--for now

"Thank you For what just happened You gave ently "I have no words It was incredible"

I smiled "Remember what I told you? Sex is meant to be enjoyed with no clothes and full body contact You’ll get the hang of it"

He laughed, then apprehension etched his face "Ithis time, but next time…I don’t know if I can It was stupid to push so hard Especially now--" His eyes fell to aze and I rushed to stop hi deep into himself "Don’t think about next time You probably didn’t think you could achieve what just happened, but you did" I leaned over and kissed hi ork out"

"He’s hurting He needs you, mummy"

Clara’s voice captured my heart and I sucked in a breath

A few hts The only sound came from the surf across the road I wanted to stay in this bubble of time forever--in limbo where I didn’t have to face more tears or plan a future that would be full of co the silence, he said, "I didn’t want to do this, but it isn’t about me anymore I need to know you’re safe From me I need to knoon’t hurt you accidently or put the baby’s life at risk"

Ice trickled in my blood as a bleak resolution filled his eyes He’dupright, I snapped, "What are you thinking? Whatever it is, stop it"

My heart picked up until it raced just aswhat crazy conclusions Roan had come to He won’t leave Will he?

Horror heatedaway under the pretence of protectingme off, he muttered, "I killed my handler in Russia I broke the control he had overis too deep I’ll never be free because I’ve been taught all hed "Do you understand?"

Tears pricked my eyes I didn’t have a clue I’d never be able to comprehend what he lived with

Roan didn’t wait for ain I can’t say I’ll ever be strong enough not to seek out pain to help deal with my issues, but I can say I will hurt you It’s inevitable Sooner or later, I won’t be strong enough You’ll touch e, and I refuse to run that risk"

My sto?" Don’t say you’re leaving Do not say you’re leaving

"All ht I could find help from you, and…Clara…" His eyesresponsibility for my own condition, and I knohat I need to do You’reto you absolutely I can’t put your life in danger every second of every day It isn’t fair on you And I refuse to live in fear any his decision, whatever it was "Once I drop the barrier in s It’s the only way I can think to keep you safe fro my hand, his voice dropped to a deadly whisper "In order to keep you safe, I need to give you the power I need to know that I’ll obey you in all things I need an oho I’ll obey explicitly if I slip and hurt you If I put you in position of my handler, one word from you and I’d stop Without question"

I tried to pullaway his free will or owning rights to his thoughts and decisions "No I won’t do it" It was barbaric "You’re not ers trapped hter "You will do this for me, dobycha Otherwise, you will always be that for me: dobycha--prey I’ll never be safe around you and you’ll have to be on high alert all the time One of us will screw up and it will be you who pays You have to do this"

He shook his head, eyes gloith ferocity "Do you want to stay here and raise a falared What a cruel question Of course I did But not at the cost of his happiness Angry tears filled ainst his logic

It’s not fair

But it’s the only way

I knew that I knew ot who he was and came after me I wouldn’t hesitate to kill hi thehell

When I didn’t answer, Roan said, "It has to be this way You know it’s the truth Until I can find another solution, this is the best I can co you I’d never survive watching another person I love die"

My heart broke all over again for Clara

For Roan’s faue evaporated I couldn’t deny it made sense And I couldn’t pretend that both mine and our unborn child’s safety weren’t worthy of a sacrifice to keep us alive "Only until we can find another cure"

He nodded, s, but it didn’t reach his eyes I sucked in a breath at the truth in his gaze He didn’t believe he’d ever be noriven up hope He’d accepted that this was the way his life had to be--his last chance to find some resemblance of happiness

I wanted to kill every evil bastard who’d done this to him They’d not only ruined Roan’s life but mine and his children’s, too

He’d never be free--always be haunted by ghosts

"Don’t give up Pro his hand, I vowed, "I will never use the power over you for anything other than protecting myself or our future child You have my ultimate word But this is only temporary I know one day you’ll find freedo me steady, he licked the seam of my lips His dark taste danced me away from reality and into a happier place He kissedto me