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"He needs you, mummy Go with him Don’t be sad"

My entire body vibrated with a potent er for what he proue speared intoave and he consuh htin my tears I wasn’t ready to face life without Clara I wasn’t ready to say goodbye I wasn’t ready to e inside me

I’m not ready

"Please," he whispered His breath tickled my cheek and my traitorous body hu else to focus on

Forgive hilazed and heavy His body wrapped around s Almost every part of me touched every part of hi back my tears, I asked, "How can you stand to be this close?"

He shook his head "I’ll tell you if you come home with me"

I wanted to say no I deserved to live in misery I didn’t deserve any chance at happiness Why should a parent outlive her child?

Butlasted forever and the best things were fleeting--treasures to be enjoyed for however long they lasted before they were gone Clara was too precious--too perfect to last I’d been granted a miracle and it had ended before I was ready

"Don’t be sad I don’t like it when you’re sad"

I looked over Fox’s shoulder at the horses in the field They tossed their ranting her ihtfor And the ultimate prizes of life deh

"Okay," I whispered

Fox looked as if the sun had finally found its way into his soul "Okay?"

I nodded "Okay, I’ll come home with you For Clara For us"

This was the man I was in love with

The father of ive up on

It turned out Clue and Ben kneward for my choices Clue didn’t knohat Fox was capable of I doubted they would’ve been so keen to abandon lared at Fox’s innocent look as he carriedto do with Clue and Ben leaving with no qualht of hi place for Clara to find peace He’d been thinking of her, even when he’d left

"Thank you," I said as Fox placed ently into the expensive car and buckled ht me fro he was

"For what?" He stood upright, the grey clouds fra his black-clad body

"For this" I nodded at the field and the horses "For caring enough For giving her a piece of yourself"

He rolled his shoulders and sniffed Avoiding my eyes, he said, "I wanted to ht if she was placed here, she’d eventually become part of the horse, evolve into…more Become what she alanted"

My throat closed up, and I dropped --always happy I loved his reasoning behind his choice of resting spot

I didn’t take my eyes off Fox as he walked around the front of the car and climbed into the driver’s side He moved with a heavy blanket of sadness around his shoulders--ine roared then purred as he turned the key He glanced over "Ready?"

Never

Panic clawed back and it took all ed in ain but I nodded "As ready as I’ll ever be"

Fox griear

We didn’t say a word as he negotiated the dirt track down to the road Everyher behind!

Fuck, it was hard So hard

At the end of the field path, Fox clied the barricade across e hway

Tears glazed ht on the hills behind us I never wanted to leave Never wanted to think about Clara all alone in a field with no shelter I should’ve built a tent, a shrine, so She’s gone

Tears pressed again As much as it killed me--I had to remember she was above physical needs She was free

Fox s Both too raw, too hurt knowing that the little soul that’d brought us closer together would no longer be with us

Speeding toward civilization, I balled my hands and tried to keep my nerves to a minimum Every kilometre, I slunk further and further into my seat I didn’t want to return to Obsidian I didn’t think I would survive walking into the house where Clara had drawn her last breath I never wanted to step foot in that place again