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I studied hihtly puffy He’d been in another fight--searching for a way out of this hell His black jacket and trousers sed the brightness of the day He’d always favoured black and now I knehy He was death incarnate Everything he touched turned to ruin
I flinched, dropping aze I couldn’t look at him
"He needs you Don’t beme insane
Fox came forward "Please I kno hard this er exploded out of me "Explain? Explain?" My broken heart rallied inhot and furious "How about I explain? You Left Me You ran when I needed you theto hit hi to deserve us--it was all bullshit You never changed You watched irl you’d hoped would cure you--and you ran because there was nothing else for you to stay for"
All the greyness and sadness inside old sparks I shoved hier to his sternum "What do you wantThat I’one so soon?" I threwme shattered and all alone in your office? That it didn’t fucking ruin me that I had to cry into Oscar’s arms, or Ben’s and never yours? How about the fact that no matter what you proive me what I need You’ll never be able to hold ry and crazy inside suddenly sihed heavily "I don’t knohat you want froht with hi Same as you"
I hated that Clara’s voice had become my conscience I hated that what she said was true And I hated that no nore her I would never be able to ignore ain, and I kneed it to Fox to tell him He deserved to know I couldn’t steal another family member from him--I wasn’t that cruel He may have destroyedhied a hand through his bronze hair, looking up the hill to where I’d scattered Clara’s remains
"Fuck, this is all so twisted I hateI’ve done to you" His jaw clenched, and listened in his eyes "If you only kne much I hate myself How much I want to sacrifice my entire life just so you never have to feel such pain"
His big body shuddered; his shoulders rolled and his destitution turned ht He was hurting Badly
He’d been alone--dealing with Clara’s death without anyone’s support He’d done who knehat to find sory anymore I couldn’t hate him for the sins he’d caused because ultiiveness
It was like a drug, war acceptance I knew if he reached out to hug ive hiive
A hug would granthi for the moon It wasn’t possible, and he couldn’t be who I needed him to be The vicious circle was complete It was time to share the news I hadn’t told anyone and walk away If he wanted to be part of the child’s life, I wouldn’t stop him But I couldn’t share anymore of mine with Roan Fox I couldn’t setthe scent of smoke and metal He smelled of salt too--of tears and sadness My heart squeezed into a s all alone
His eyes flashed "Stop calling rowled "How many times do I need to tell you to call me Roan? Clara did She understood why I needed her to callweary and worn "Fuck, Zel Fox is gone He’s dead I killed hie er bubbled over again He’d ignored ht back to what he needed The selfish bastard "What you want? What about what I want?" I laughed harshly "You left me when I needed you the most You Ran Away You can’t touch, you can’t love, you can’t even be there for me Why should I remember to never call you Fox when I have no intention of ever seeing you again?"
He e hands on my shoulders detonated my skin with bolts of power and awareness just like e first touched It crackled, it burned--whizzing through rip
I sucked in a breath, huaze met his haunted icy eyes His skin was ashen, cheekbones standing in stark relief He looked like he hadn’t slept in days But beneath the haunted pallor, he shone with the connection He felt it, too He burned the saether Please, Zel Don’t you know? Don’t you knocare for you? How much I miss you? I didn’t run; I went to find rede you now" He sucked in a breath, leaning in close, sending h my blood "I’m here For you For her Forever if you’ll have ive me"
"He’s not a bad man I love hihts flew out ofhim far away I couldn’t handle what he invoked in ain He wasn’t safe To my safety or my sanity "How can you say that? Do you honestly think I could co, it doesn’t stop the fact that you can’t give ets close to you Every adult, child, and baby--if they touch you wrong, you’ll kill them"
I couldn’t tell him I couldn’t let him near his child as I would never be able to trust hi your child and I can’t tell you as I don’t trust you not to kill it
His face twisted, darkening with anger "I can’t live without you, dobycha"
My eyes fleide "Don’t callequal and--" I didn’t knohat else to say My shoulders rolled and I muttered, "Even if I did want--" I slashed a hand across my face, so heavy and tired "You destroyed o"
How could love be so wrong?
How could it all be for nothing?
Raising et away fro Clara "Leave me alone, please I don’t want to discuss this Today isn’t about us It’s about Clara And you have no respect to her ht with you"
Fox bared his teeth; his hands clamped harder on my shoulders I shivered as another wave of tension and rain of energy lit me up from the inside out
"Respect? You don’t think I have respect? I have sorespect for you it scares me You have a power over me that you don’t even know And today is a perfect day to clear the air because Clara didn’t want us fighting She wanted us to be happy"