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He stopped then I threw ot out, and both of us looked

That poor fucking kitten I couldn’t stop staring at it Mylike she was the one he’d run into, while I watched the kitten try to breathe with its chest crushed

I thought ere united I thought he was looking at the kitten the way I was, trying to breathe for it, soaked in re kind of hope for its rescue

I kept thinking that Right up until he hauled off and kicked it

It wasn’t even dead, but he kicked it hard enough to send it sailing on a low arc, inches above the ground It rolled through the gap in the neighbor’s trellis, co to a stop underneath, too far underneath the trailer for me to reach

It would rot there I didn’t know that yet

"Quit crying," he said "It’s just a fucking cat"

When he got in the low-slung car, pulled the door handle shut, and drove away, I didn’t hate hier, the kitten

I didn’t hate him, but I understood for the first time that he and I aren’t the same

He’s the kind of man ould kick a kitten

I’ she sent me a text that said, Happy Valentine’s Day to the love of rip It was either that or fling it across the room

The love of her life

When she’s with my dad, she calls him that Wyatt Leavitt, the love of her life Her sweetlike passion," she told me last time she took hi, but passion is e’re ed, cast her eyes at the ceiling, searching for the right words "Without it, we’re just aniut-punched her A man who splither around, calling her naed him not to, not to hurt her so bad, "Please, honey, don’t"

The love of her life

And I look just exactly fucking like hih the door "Sixteen’s ready for the check, eight’s stacked the e of the table, and I took a dessert order for you on twelve If you don’t get back out there, I’"

I open the outside door, drop the half-finished cigarette on the concrete step, and grind it out underbefore she heads for the front

I take the check to table sixteen, get table eight’s order, deliver dessert to twelve Then I check on my other tables The whole ti a hole between my eyebrows

The love ofto be the man my father should have been but isn’t A man ill put the family first, no matter what Keep them safe, keep them fed, keep them happy

I never wanted to be her love Her kind of love--it ht, hts I’ve spent without Caroline, I can’t help thinking there’s more than one way to drown

Another waiter passes ave you six"

"Thanks"

When I take the water pitcher over, I find ht along four kids and a bag of powdered-sugar doughnuts to a study session and let theht, dressed up nice She shows me off a little "One of my best students last semester," she calls me, and she says she hopes to have me in her seminar next year

I take their order and wish them a happy Valentine’s Day

I like her, so I make an effort to uncurl my lip when I say it

Back in the kitchen, I put the order in and pick up appetizers for another table, a four-top I push through the kitchen door with a plate in each hand, twoabout another dinner with another woo on Valentine’s Day was the first time I ever set foot in the Toht dinner prepared at the resort kitchen, and she said she’d pay me two hundred bucks if I played waiter for a couple of hours

I served the food and stood in the corner where she’d toldthe and the woman he married His love

ThisI wanted Respect, money, security, skill

Mrs T wore a black dress cut low in the front, her tits half hanging out, diae, sparkling on her fingers She cooed at her husband, talking about their wedding day

"The happiest day of my life," she said

The next week, I fucked her in his bed She wanted me to take her from behind I climbed on top of her, did her until she scratched at the sheets, arched her back, ca her hips, pushing into her Apiece of meat

No better than an ani any better forlove was a weakness and sex was a tool Maybe I was right I think, with the life I’ve had, I’d have to be some kind of dumb-fuck not to be at least a little afraid of the way I feel about Caroline

I’ve been worried that deeper is an undertow that will take away my control and leave ht if I let that happen--if I let et distracted by Caroline, broke the rules, said fuck it to my common sense--then I couldn’t respect myself, because I’d be no better thansteaks and salads and quinoa cakes to one couple after another, s hate this, I hate all of it, I hate everything when I’ the whole ti to take, a n?

I love Caroline I want her I want everything she’ll giveto stop

And I’m not my father

I look just like hi tih my head, maybe, is that I’m not my mother, either

I’m not in love with a woit to take me in, shoot me up, wreck me if it has to

I waited more than a year to even kiss Caroline, and I had plenty of tiood She’s slad she tolda dick, and she called h to insist I treat her the way she deserves