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"What if you die in a freak accident next week? What if your firstborn gets leukemia? Jesus, Caroline, don’tlife!"

I hear what I sound like in the silence afterward

Pissed off Accusing

I feel like the lowest thing Worse than a wor decayed in uy she’s worried about I jerked off talking to her on the phone a few hours ago, and if that doesn’t make me a pervert and an asshole, I’ her talk about this other guy I hate that her hope is attached to a name that isn’t mine, her future to a nahMakes me fill the silence with more stupidity "It’s nors, an ass--it’s not the end of the fucking world, Caro You think you’re so fucking special, but there’s a irls aren’tthat their lives are over just because soain In the nice neighborhood where Caroline lives, everyone is sleeping tonight That makes me feel vile, too That she should live in this place that’s just exactly the kind of place where I want to put Frankie Surrounded by safety

That I a her unsafe

I risk a glance at her face She looks like I slapped her

I did slap her

The worst part is, there’s no reason for eneral

I’m mad the world sucks so much, that this should have happened to her, that she should feel so bad about it

I’ else, too--ether Because I want her, I’ Stupid

I sigh and stand up Pace out the rooftop This giant house where Caroline spent her whole life, sheltered fro half as bad as what her punk-ass ex-boyfriend did to her He probably grew up in a house like this, too Probably wrecked her whole world without a second thought

I walk back toward Caroline

"I’ht?"

She shakes her head She’s got her ars, her head turned away "You know, I never called it that?"

"It?"

"Cunt," she says, like the word tastes bad in her mouth "Pussy Slit Tits Cock All those words--they never had anything to do with les her head toward me, and I see her eyes, full of tears "I don’t want the to do with me"

I sit down a few feet away Not sure what to tell her

"There are so et back," she says quietly "I et that life doesn’t end because of a couple grainy pictures online But it kind of does, too, you know? Because now everything I’ve seen people say about me is in me I have a cunt, I aid, I’s that never used to apply to me and now they do They just eat away at et wet for a guy, if I want sooing to be full of that stuff, either because I’ure out how to make them mine And I hate that"

I wish I didn’t knohat she et her off withabout what she wants fro about trading sex for favors Itfeel like a transaction

"Do you want somebody to kiss you?" I ask "Is this all theoretical, or …"

Her ars "It’s not theoretical"

"Scott?"

"Sure, Scott I ht? Why does it all have to be spoiled before it’s even started?"

"It’s not spoiled"

"It feels spoiled"

"That sucks"

"It does"

She traces a circle on her kneecap with her fingertip "I only talked to him for a couple ot ahold of his number for me, but I just haven’t … I don’t want to think of him like that I want all those words and body parts to have nothing to do with any of it Except they do"

"Yeah, that’s pretty ht atto feel almost like I could do it, earlier today Call hiht … But I have to say, you kind of ruined that whole idea, so thanks"

There’s a set that I was a prick, but I don’t get what I ruined You’re gonna have to explain that"

"I don’t think I can do it Any of it I’ to become a nun"

"That would be a waste" Now I can see the sh she’s still not looking at me

"No, I can see now it’s the only way"

"Sister Caroline," I say "Martyr of Internet Porn"

She lifts her head I can’t look away from the brilliance of her teeth, her lips, because I have this sudden, awful, a it fro out ofnot to say

I couldpictures

I could ood, wipe out all that shah your uy

I could Me

"You like him a lot," I say instead Because she’s already made her choice, and I’m not it I wasn’t even an option

"He’s fun"

"Fun is a little lukewarreat Or he could be great He seely"

"No, he’s hot, too Quinn said"