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Iafraid, and thoselad that’s not the way things went

Instead, West came out, and I went in

After that, I rarely wanted to be anywhere else

"You’re buzzing again"

I’m in my nook, a little area on the bakery floor between the sink and the long table against the here West lines up hisbowls I like it here because I can only usually see a slice of his froht, when he’sfro the sourdough starter Pacing froe room, back to the mixer, back to the sink, over to the counter to pick up a tool he’s forgotten

The way he race His competence

His arms come into view as he lifts one bowl off the stand and puts the next one on He bends over, and I see his hat and his neck, his face in profile, his jeans tight over his bent leg, the shape of his calf

I can handle him in pieces They’re all nice pieces, but they don’t ht when it was time to head home and he walked me to the back door, propped his hand up on the ja that made him smile down at me and lean in I don’t knohat it was I couldn’t hear him, because the way he had his arm braced made his shirt sleeve ride up to reveal his whole biceps, a defined curve of taut ainst the doorfrarave error of looking at his mouth, the shape of his lips and his cheekbones, his chin and his eyes I forgot to listen to hiot to breathe or exist outside of West’s face

Yeah That’s a thing that can happen, apparently, and when it happens, it’s really bad He had to snap his fingers in front of my nose to wake me up It made me startle, and I stepped backward and nearly fell down West just set hoh

I guess he’s used tohopeless around him We both just pretend I’m not It sort of works

West and I are like that We sort of work

I’ve been cohts a week--almost every shift he’s on, I’m here Insomnia has madeout with West and study ininto a creature of the night It’s all right, though I guess I’d rather be Bella Swan hanging out at the Cullen place than, you know, school Bella--all pissy and defensive, cloh, convinced everyone hates her

The men in my head are quiet when I’lower at them and tell them to shut the fuck up If they were real, I , vibrating itself partway off the edge of the tabletop I poke out a finger and push it back to safety "Dough boy," I say, loud, because it’s hard to hear with the"Your phone"

"What?"

"Your phone"

I point, and he finally understands He walks over and picks it up off the rabbing it once, thinking I would hand it to hi down his whole expression so it looks like there’s no feeling in him at all

He’s hilariously funny when he wants to be, wickedly s--and then suddenly I step over some invisible line and he’s a robot Or too intense, co is bullshit, like he did that first night I came here

He takes his phone into the front of the store, where I won’t be able to hear hih it’s hard to concentrate, knowing, as I do, that in ten or fifteen minutes someone will show up at the alley door West willhis body so I can’t see who he’s talking to,in this low voice that makes him sound like just another dude, a slacker His shoulders will slouch His hands will dip in and out of his pockets, propelled along by his soothing, nonthreatening voice

I try not to see It’s better if I stick to the slices That’s the only e can be friends--or not-friends, I guess

And I need to be not-friends with West He’s the only person inhappened but who also doesn’t treat ?" when I walk in the door, and I tell hi about it

Tucked in hts a week, I feel like myself

When he comes back, he hops up on the nearest table opposite ot a quiz toood"

"Are you staying long enough for ?"

"Probably not I’ve got to write a response paper for Con Law, and I didn’t bring my laptop"

"You should’ve I like it when you write here"

I do, too He’s quiet when I need him to be quiet, and when I want a break he’ll teachIf I read hie that sounds suer

West is smart Crazy smart I had no idea--the one time I had a class with him, he didn’t talk

It is possible he’s actually smarter than I am

"Next week, then," he says "Tuesday you will learn the secrets of the glaze"

I sit in the first place He’s al, he’ll end up asking ood Are you on at the restaurant this weekend?"

"Yeah What about you, you got plans?"

I want to hang out with you Coo to the bar

Let’s go out to dinner in Iowa City

So more than not-friends with West is a possibility A life where we get to hang out soht

Then I mentally pinch et is trying to get ht"