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I’ve never done this before

I’ve never initiated a conversation with West

It feelsthan it should, not only because of who he is--the forbiddenness of him--but also because this is the fourth floor It’s an unwritten rule of Putnam that the fourth floor of the library is a space of sacred silence

West grabs another book He has to reach above his head to shelve it, which ot a thick brown leather belt holding his jeans up It doesn’t ot this big jagged orange sea and bit a giant rip in it and then he handed it over to a seven-year-old to fix

I can’t iine how such a T-shirt even happens Or why anyone would wear it

West’s clothes are sometimes like that Just … random

I kind of like it

When he lowers down to his heels and bends over the cart, his shirt rides up again, exposing some of his lower back

I clear my throat, but his music must be too loud, because he doesn’t turn towardfor a book on the lower shelf

Crap Now I’ures out I’ I can do to prevent it I reach out, et his attention, but I end up pressing ainst his lower spine instead

It’s an accident I’hty percent sure

He doesn’t juoes completely, utterly still So still that I can hear the ry vocals and an insistent, pounding beat that s

Oh, I think

Maybe it’s not an accident, after all

West’s back is indecently hot beneaththe seconds before they actually obey When I pull , this force, tugging it back toward West

I’htens and turns around, and I know even before he does it that I’ve miscalculated, and now I’m totally at his mercy, which means I’m doomed I’m not sure he hasNate hard enough to make me physically ill

He pulls out his earbuds, and I try to think so other than the word doooing to say to him--I had a whole speech planned--but I can’t I can’t

I stare at his belt instead I think about grabbing it and yanking hi I have ever done, with anyone, much less West Leavitt

Doooooomed

"Hey," he says

Which isn’t fair, because it means I have to look up

I do, eventually

Our eyesso intense about the way he’s looking atword I’ve felt a lot of scary in the past feeeks, and this is different

This is scary like pausing at the top of the steepest hill on a roller coaster, bracing yourself for the drop

"Hey," I say back

"What’s up?"

"Can I talk to you?"

He considers this request "No"

It’s not what I was expecting him to say All I can coain except for his music, and there’s this … this at the atmosphere with his skin and his eyes, which look al it with all thehis hands in this way that’s just--

It’s just so, but without the menace

I have never stood this close to him before I’ve never been alone with hiht next to my feet and made me pass out

I’ve never felt this excited, aard, and senselessly worried in my whole entire life

Until he takes a step toward me That’s worse

Better, too

Better-worse It’s totally a thing

I back up

He’s supposed to stop stepping towardHe et pinned up against the stacks, ainst a low shelf, West’s hands braced on either side of h I’ me

I try to say, I’ll coling noise that --always a dead giveaway that I’e to say, "That’s fine I can … come back Or I’ll c-call you"

I don’t have his phone nu hi I can feel the heat off his skin, because that’s impossible He isn’t that close, surely I castto visually measure the number of inches between our faces

It’s not very many inches at all

West doesn’t touch me, but he isdown at h in his cheeks--I can’t help but think about his fist connecting with Nate’s mouth The way Nate fell to the floor, heavy and limp

He did that for you, I think

I came here to ask him, but I already know